I'm Crossing Over to the Dark Side...

The new blog (I promise, this is the last time I'll be changing in a while) is at:

http://wesblackburn.wordpress.com/

Catch me there!

I'm Focused on the Bread.

Have you ever just not understood?

I feel like I have those moments somewhat frequently... a person will be trying to talk to me about one thing, and I'm just not getting it. Sometimes they're just going way over my head. Sometimes I'm way overcomplicating it. But a lot of the time, it's simply that I'm not understanding. What that person is saying to me is just outside my realm of possibility, comprehension, whatever. I'm not understanding it.

In the gospels, we discover that Jesus' closest followers often just didn't understand. In Mark 8:14-21, Jesus is on a boat with his disciples, travelling. He starts to tell them that they need to beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and Herodians (in other words, "Don't be like these guys!"). The disciples, though, think Jesus is criticizing them for not bringing enough bread on the trip with them.

A little off base, but not terrible, right? Wrong.

Well, it wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that already in Mark, Jesus has done two miracles where he miraculously took just a couple loaves of bread and multiplied it to be enough to feed a group of 5,000 (Mark 5:30-44) and 4,000 (Mark 8:1-10). Jesus obviously doesn't have any problems making bread appear if He and the disciples need any. Jesus explains this to His disciples and they still aren't getting it. I can only imagine the exasperation in Jesus' voice as He asks in Mark 8:21, "Do you not yet understand?"

I've read this passage many times before and just thought, "stupid disciples." But as I read, I think I'm seeing something deeper here, and it's this:

Jesus wants to give me something so much greater, but all I can focus on is the bread.

I think we can all agree here that God is a big God. Jesus knows what He's doing. He wants to do some big stuff in my life, and He wants to teach me some big, important things. Yet, just like the disciples, I miss the point by focusing on something totally trivial and mundane that doesn't even matter. Take this story for example. Jesus wants to teach His disciples about the kind of people He wants them to become, but they don't grasp it because they are so fixated on a question as stupid as "Do we have enough bread?"

I wonder how many things in my life I'm missing because instead of focusing on letting God do something amazing and life-changing, I'm instead focused on the little "bread" stuff of my life. I'm never going to experience the incredibly awesome stuff God wants to do in my life if all I can focus on are the small things that a long time ago Jesus showed me He can take care of.

So where are you focusing on the bread? Is Jesus asking you, "Do you not yet understand?"

The Called Ones.

"I came not to call the righteous, but sinners."

-Jesus in Mark 2:17, esv

Over the course of February, I've sort of been taking some time to just read through the four gospels, taking some time to try my best to re-familiarize myself with the story of Jesus; who He is, what He cared about, that sort of thing. I just started Mark a few days ago, and out of the first four chapters that I read, this was the verse that stuck out to me.

In this particular situation, Jesus has just asked Matthew, the heathen, cheating, scoundrel tax collector to be one of His disciples. Matthew invites Jesus to come and have dinner at his home, and invites some of his sinner friends to join them. The Pharisees had a real problem with that, and inquired why Jesus ate with tax collectors and sinners. Mark 2:17 was His response.

To me, this was a great reminder that the moment I think I am perfect, the moment I think I've got it together and I've got it all figured out that I am outside of the people Jesus came to save. Jesus didn't come to save people who feel like they've got it all together. He didn't come to save people who think they're pretty righteous. He came to save people that freely admit they have faults... who freely admit they have problems, they have sin, they have dirt, they have doubts, they have all the stuff that people like me so often turn our noses up at.

Jesus came to save people who are sinners, not the ones who think they have it all together.

May we all be reminded that we are all broken, messed up people who need Jesus.

Center. (Or, More Aptly, "What's Your Favorite Worship Song?")

I've been leading worship on a regular basis for about six years now. Over those six years, I've led probably hundreds of different songs in several different venues, but to me, my favorite song will always be the song "Center," by Charlie Hall. If you're unfamiliar with it, watch here:



I think there are a lot of great things about this song, but I'm still just struck by the simplicity of it. I can still remember noticing that when I listened to it for the first time. "Be the center of my life" is a prayer that I think I need to be praying to God on a frequent basis. Seasons of my life will come and go, but in each one, God asks me to keep my life focused on Him. I tremble to imagine the incredible life that I would live if I could simply get that prayer to be lived out each and every day in my life.

What about you? What's your favorite worship song? Why?

The Power of Friendship.

I am learning the incredible power that there is in friendships.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 is probably one of the most beautiful passages in the Bible about friendship, and I think I am just now discovering the truth in that. Over the past six months, I am finding deeper meaning than I ever thought possible within the friendships and relationships that I am forming with the amazing people God has chosen to put in my path.

The past week has not been great. I think "crappy" would be an accurate description. I've seen a friend go through something exceedingly difficult. I've had a bunch of little frustrations this week. But through it all, I've had some incredible people standing right beside me to talk things out, dream about what life could be, and know that in the end, all will be set right. Even though this wasn't the greatest of weeks, I wouldn't change it for the world.

Thank you God for being kind enough to show Your love for me through the incredible love of those You have placed in my life.

The Nature of Faith.

I don't really consider myself to be a person of amazing, incredible faith. But, make no mistake, I believe that lately, in my life, I am becoming a lot better at being a person of faith.

In Mark 5:25-34, there's this story about a woman who has been hemmoraging blood for twelve years. She's spent everything she had and owned on doctors to try and help her to get better, but nothing worked. In fact, she just got worse, and the Bible tells us that she was greatly suffering. But one day, as Jesus was pressing through the crowds, this woman thought to herself that if she could just touch Jesus' garment, that she would be healed. Sure enough, she manages to get close to Jesus in the crowd, touches the edge of his garment, and is made well.

What I find interesting, though, is Jesus' statement to her: "Daughter, your faith has made you well."

If I put myself in this woman's shoes, there are a lot of feelings that could possibly go through my head:

• This is absolutely going to work!
• Well, I've tried everything else... what the heck?
• Maybe this will be the solution I've been looking for.
• I hope this works.
• I think this will work.

Not all of those statements are ones that I would naturally label as ones of great faith. Yet, I imagine that a degree of all of those had to cross this woman's mind at some point. In fact, I'm pretty sure that the first statement (which is what I normally think of as "faith") isn't what she thought at all. It was most likely a combo of hoping, wishing, and praying that this whole Jesus thing would actually work for her.

As I continue on this journey, I'm discovering that faith isn't always something that's beautifully certain, sure, and confident. In fact, I believe that a lot of faith is simply taking the next step and hoping, praying, and believing that things will work out. Faith is frequently best described by adjectives like "messy." I mean, it has to be. That's why the Bible still lets doubting people like me still be able to wear the title "Christ follower" (see Matthew 28:17, Jude 1:22).

I can think of countless examples in my own life. When I was baptized, I still had questions. I wasn't sure if I could do this whole Jesus thing. But you know what? I took the leap. A few years later, I went through a real season of doubt in my faith, but I kept taking the next steps and came out the other side. Even today, with being a part of our Highland Campus, I still have doubts: Can I really do this? What if money doesn't come together? What if I'm a flop as a worship pastor? What if I can't finish school in a timely fashion? What if our church doesn't really fit into the community? What if I don't fit in the community? What if we don't reach people and this campus just doesn't work out? I've got a lot of questions, but I have faith. Why? Because despite mixed emotions at times, I'm still following God and trusting in His plan for me. I believe God will make all things work together (Romans 8:28).

Belief and doubt are not polar opposites. In fact, they often mix together throughout our lives, just like in Jesus' parable of the wheat and the tares. The important ingredient of faith is simply that we take the leap, regardless of our thoughts or emotions. It's way better (and more Biblical) than to take the leap with mixed emotions than have good feelings but always stay standing on the edge.

ICNU.

I got the chance to be a part of Suncrest's community group leaders' training on Saturday, and walked away with some awesome insights (courtesy of our Hobart Campus Pastor, Doug Gamble) about encouragement and encouraging those I get a chance to lead.

Our talk revolved around the simple concept of encouraging people through ICNU (think about it... "I see in you"). When we make the intentional effort to pull people aside and tell them what we see in them (their giftings, passions, where they are growing), it can be one of the most encouraging things that people will ever experience. I got to experience it first-hand when, much to my surprise, Doug chose to speak some encouragement into my life in front of our leaders.

While some are more gifted in this area than others, I think that encouragement is a key function of anyone who is a part of the body of Christ (1 Thessalonians 4:18), so I thought it'd be good to share some of the insights that Doug shared on here today with you.

1. Be intentional. Great encouragement rarely happens unless you are intentional about it. This might mean scheduling some time alone with whoever it is you are seeking to encourage. Maybe it's setting a time to grab coffee or dinner together. Maybe it's a car ride alone together on the way to gather with friends. In Luke 9:10, the Bible tells us that Jesus withdrew with His disciples, no doubt in an effort to be intentional as He sought to encourage them. Great encouragement doesn't usually just happen. You have to be intentional about it.


2. Take time. This kind of links back to #1, but you need to take some time to really encourage people. Five seconds isn't enough. To really encourage and pour into someone's life takes time. If you really want to share what you see in someone, you need to make time to have that conversation.


3. Open your eyes. Be aware of the opportunities for encouragement around you, no matter how big or small. If you know someone who's done something great, or maybe get a sense that someone could use some love, that's a great time for encouragement. The key? You've gotta look for those opportunities.


4. Be courageous. Finally, you've got to be a little courageous. I can only speak for myself, but giving people real encouragement makes me feel really awkward. I know those conversations need to happen, but they feel kind of weird (maybe it's just because I'm a guy). But you need to be a little courageous. Don't hold back. Share what's on your heart! You'll be amazed at the response.

Reflections on a Sunday I Will Never Forget.

I still don't feel like my words can come close to describing the incredible thing that I saw happen at Suncrest Christian Church on Sunday, but I will try to explain...

73 baptisms at the Saint John campus. 7 at the Hobart campus.

80 baptisms total.

That amazes me. I wish I could say that leading up to this Sunday, when we would be asking people to respond on the spot (in their street clothes!) to the message of "repent, believe, and be baptized" (Acts 2:38) that I really believed a whole lot of people would do that. But the fact is, that I was expecting three baptisms; the three that had said "yes" before Sunday morning.

I believe Jesus would throw me into the category of "oh you of little faith."

I saw God do a lot on Sunday. Life change was happening, and it was amazing. I was standing literally five feet away from the baptistry, and I got to watch person after person go under the water and emerge changed, marked by the presence of the Holy Spirit. It was amazing, joyous, and heart warming. I didn't even know half the people, and yet still I was moved to tears at each of our three services.

Did I mention it was amazing?

And it also made me realize that I treat God like a two year old. Here I had set this incredibly low goal, with practically zero expectation. God is like the Picasso of spiritual transformation, and here I am setting the same expectations before him as I would a four year old finger painter.

Instead of treating God like a two year old, I should have realized that God is the God of impossible. He is the God of more than we can ever ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20-21). Instead of babying God along, maybe I need to learn to ask and pray for the impossible, and then actually believe it can happen.

Did I mention that Sunday was amazing? Because if I didn't, please know it was. In fact, it's a Sunday that I will never, ever forget.

Hoping In All the Wrong Things.

"Set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ."

-1 Peter 1:13b, esv

What do you hope in?

Seriously, what do you put your hope in?

I feel like that's a question that I've ignored for far too long in my life. What do I put my hope in? As a Christ follower, I know that's supposed to be Jesus. But what does that mean, what does that look like? For a long time, hope has been one of those Christian-ey words that I kind of throw around without really thinking about what it actually means. But recently I read 1 Peter 1:13, and I was struck by the challenge and the outright command that Peter gave to the believers he was writing to.

So what does it mean to put my hope fully in Christ? I think that it essentially means that what I put my hope in is what I turn to, what I draw strength from, what I know will be sure even in times of crisis.

That should be Jesus. But if I can be real for a minute about my life, I know it's not. I put a lot of hope in myself to guide my course and make my own destiny. For me, the reason's simple; I don't have to live by faith if I put hope in myself. Putting hope in myself seems safe. But the obvious downside (other than not being biblical) is that I'm not worthy of hope. I can't draw strength from myself. I won't be sure-footed when the sinking sands of crisis strike.

About a month ago, I read Psalm 18, and I was struck by the simple fact that the psalmist keeps attributing all this strength imagery to God. He is a stronghold. A fortress. A refuge. Even though I can't see Him, I need to place my hope and trust in the Lord because the Bible tells us He is the only sure thing that there is.

And it is in Him alone that I need to place my hope.

My Next Adventure...

So, I have some very exciting news to finally officially announce.

If you weren't aware, I am currently serving as an intern with Suncrest Christian Church in northwest Indiana, near Chicago. Our church has a strong belief in the effectiveness of church planting and multi-site ministry, and so in addition to our Hobart Campus that launched in 2008, we will be launching two new campuses in Highland and South Bend in fall 2010. I am excited to announce that beginning this summer, I will transition onto our full-time staff at Suncrest as worship pastor for our Highland Campus, which will launch at the end of September.

I can't begin to express how excited I am about this opportunity! I love Suncrest a lot and really believe that our church is being used by God in order to change lives. I am thankful to get to be a part of that. I'm going to get the opportunity to work with a great staff and leadership team, as well as have the opportunity to finally set down some roots in a community and get to start living out my life-long passion, which is to help people come to find a deeper relationship with Jesus. It's just incredible to me that while I've only been here roughly six months, it already feels just like home.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about a few things, though. As part of essentially being a new church plant, I will need to raise half of my salary each year through 2012 so that we can better resource this campus as we strive to get it off the ground (p.s. If you are at all interested in helping to support me, I'd love to talk to you! Comment this, tweet me at @wblackburn0316, message me... whatever). I also have 24 or so credits left to complete with Cincinnati Christian University in order to graduate. The fact of finishing long-distance makes me a little nervous, but I'm confident. There are always reasons not to do something, and it's always nerve-wracking starting something new in life, but I really believe that this is where God wants me to be, and I am confident that He will faithfully resource me with the finances, strength, energy, and wisdom that I need in this new adventure.


I love you all, and definitely appreciate your prayers as I take this next step in my journey! More to come, I'm sure... :)

Hope... When I Least Expected It.

Sometimes, the greatest commodity that I have as a Christ follower is hope.

Things feel pretty hopeless sometimes. Recently, I've been working on trying to get some school stuff in order, and I feel like I'm just getting sent in circles, and it's getting frustrating. In looking at my life, I am coming to the realization that I had drastically different hopes for where I'd be as a person, spiritually, emotionally, etc., and I'm having to come to terms with the fact that things may not work out the way I had really planned. Lots of stuff is going great for me right now, that's for sure. I'm experiencing some great blessing. But I am also letting some other stuff in my life personally, spiritually, and emotionally get me down.

I was reading in Matthew 24 recently, and I was totally blindsided by something. Jesus is talking about when He will come back for His followers, and He makes the comparison between His coming and a watchman staying up, looking out for would be thieves. Just like the watchman stays awake, ready for thieves, followers of Jesus need to "stay awake" and "be alert," making sure they are living in a way that honors God, not slipping into patterns of sin.

And right after making this point, Jesus drops one of the most refreshing things I've read in a long time: "The Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect" (Matthew 24:44, esv).

I was struck by the beauty of that statement. You can read it in two ways. One is reading from the perspective of a person who is not following Christ; essentially saying, "Oh crap! I'd better live right so that I'm ready for God when He comes!" This is the perspective of preparing so as to avoid punishment.

But the other way to read this simple verse (the way that just made sense to me tonight) is from the perspective of a person who is living the right life and is struggling with it; from the person who is undergoing persecution because they are trying to live for Jesus in a world that is fallen and messed up, where people get hurt for doing the right thing, where people die, and relationships are broken, amidst a whole host of other things.

For these people, Jesus will come at the hour they least expect it.

When things seem dark.

When all hope is lost.

When you just don't think you can take it any longer.

"The Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect."

I don't know where you are today, or what you are going through and experiencing, but I know that that brings hope to me and my soul. I hope it does for you too.

Francis Chan: Balance Beam

Okay, so last week I shared about one man crush... now time to share something from my other man crush, Francis Chan.

Seriously, I saw this video on Monday and thought it was great. This is 4 minutes well spent.

A Journey to the Center of the Heart.

Some people go their entire lives without taking the chance to dive deep inside their own heart and soul.

It's understandable. It's easier. It's certainly safer. It helps us avoid the tough questions; it helps us avoid going back to the darker times and places in our lives and confronting some deeper issues in our hearts, minds, and lives.

I think I'd much rather be one of those people.

But after the past few days and weeks, I've just had a few things that have really forced me to look inside and to examine deep... and that's something that I haven't done in a while, actually. It's kind of scary to cut right to the heart of who you are, to go head-to-head with the issues that worry you the most... with the stuff that you'd rather just forget about.

Jesus was not a man who was afraid to ask the tough questions and ask people to confront the real issues within themselves. I think of the woman in John 4. She'd rather talk with Jesus about semantics of where Jews and Samaritans worship; Jesus wanted to talk about her five divorces and why she was searching for satisfaction from anyone and anything but the true and living water.

Jesus wants me to confront my stuff. He wants me to confront my doubts. He wants me to confront my fear of surrendering all of my life to Him. He wants me to look inside my heart, confront the depths of who I really am, and to allow His light, life, and power to transform me inside.

I'd much rather leave things well alone, but Jesus thinks otherwise. Here's to starting on that journey...

Can Farther Equal Closer?

"The closer I come to Christ, the more I realize how much I am unlike Him..."

When I reflect upon my life as a Christ follower, I often ask myself the question, "Do I really think that I'm making any progress?" I look back with guilt a lot of the time because I feel like I'm farther away from being like Christ, not closer... obviously that's not the direction in which we were meant to go.

But I recently heard someone say the above quote, and it really got me thinking. Just because I feel like I don't look very much like Jesus doesn't necessarily mean that I'm not growing and changing in positive ways. The comparison was made to looking at two mountains in the distance. They may look quite similar from afar, but as you get closer, you notice the differences and dissimilarities.

The same goes for us. From far off, I thought I looked a lot like Jesus already. But as I get closer, I recognize some key differences: my unwillingness to surrender my own will to the Father's plan, my arrogance and pride, and the heart motivations for why I do what I do (even when my actions are good). Those are dissimilarities I don't think I ever detected when I first started on the journey.

I'm learning that areas I see for growth don't necessarily mean that I am far from God. Sometimes, the exact opposite is the case; it indicates that I'm coming closer, and have the clarity to begin seeing the differences that you can only see by drawing close and coming to know and love the person of Jesus Christ.

Heart Shaping Leadership.

I got the opportunity to be a part of the Suncrest Christian Church leadership track retreat this weekend. Definitely a good experience; thought through some things that I was actually not expecting. Most of our retreat centered not around leadership techniques, organizational strategies, and the like. Instead, we focused on forming the heart of a leader; allowing our heart to be transformed into the image of Christ.

I've got to admit, I wasn't really sold on that first. Being a better leader by being a better follower of Christ seemed a little cliche to me at first. But after listening and talking to Don Green, our guest speaker for the weekend, I started to rethink things. I got a chance to talk with Don one-on-one, and noticed that he is 100% convinced this is the key to leadership. Don's a wise guy, and he's of that persuasion, then I think there's something we need to take note of there.

Somewhere along the way, I made ministry and leadership about doing and not being. There is certainly an element of doing in both, that is for sure. But it all stems from me being a follower of Christ who is working to grow in his relationship with Christ each and every day. I think I often forget that, and instead allow what I do to take the place/define who I am, when in reality, the two can be very different things.

As has been the case with me throughout my journey in Christian spirituality, I often focus on the exterior behaviors and forget about building the interior qualities first. That is an important, vital (and for me, at least), and often overlooked area of being a Christ follower and being a leader. If I build the heart, the rest is sure to soon follow.

Perceptions.

Have you ever noticed how your perceptions of something change the way you view it entirely?

A few years ago at CCU I took this class called Hermeneutics, which is a class all on how to properly read and interpret Scripture. One day in class, our teacher had us read a paragraph he threw onto the overhead projector. The paragraph talked about it being dark and stormy outside, about the cry of a baby, about a woman dying, and about a figure walking down a dark hallway. Initially our professor had us read the picture as if it was a murder mystery novel. Obviously, the figure walking down the hallway was the murderer, who killed the dead woman. The baby cried because it heard the screams of the dead woman, and the storm was simply to add a horrifying effect to the whole narrative.

But then, our professor told us to read the paragraph again, this time imagining it was the first chapter in a biographical work. It changed the whole outlook. Now, the baby crying is the main figure in the biography being born. Apparently, their mother died while giving birth, and the figure going down the hallway is the doctor, midwife, or maybe the husband.

The way we perceive someone or something makes all the difference.

Yesterday, I got a chance to read from John 5:19-29 and was really struck by something. In this particular teaching, Jesus is trying to tell those listening that He and the Father are one and the same; if you reject Jesus, you're rejecting God the Father and vice-versa. You can't pick one; You take all three persons of the godhead (let's give a shout-out to the Holy Spirit!) or none at all. The three members of the Trinity are that closely linked and a part of one another.

I don't know about You, but when I relate to God the Father, it's very much a fearful, reverential action (which isn't a bad thing, please understand). On the opposite end, when I relate to Christ or to the Holy Spirit, it's more of them being my "buddy" (again, not necessarily a bad thing). But the thing is this; God the Father isn't just mean or angry; He has a grounding in love and grace (see Exodus 34:6). Jesus and the Holy Spirit aren't just my friends, they also judge (see the above John 5 reference).

God is one and the same, so why do I view each member of the Trinity so differently?

I think there are a lot of theological implications here that could answer that question, but I think for me I'm perceiving each member of the godhead a little too differently. Sometimes I emphasize the three so much that I also forget they are one. Kind of related to a message that my friend Greg Lee delivered in December at Suncrest, I need to invite God to come and change my perceptions of Him. I need Him to show me who He really is, and not just what I imagine Him to be. I want to know God in all His fullness, and that means I need to be willing to drop the stupid little boxes I put Him in and allow Him to reshape the way I think about Him as I somehow try to wrap my mind around how big and huge He is.

Because getting a real picture of God can never be a bad thing.

Knowledge Puffs Up...

So I fully, unashamedly admit that I have a man crush on Donald Miller.

Chances are that many of you are probably aware of him. He's author of the best-selling book Blue Like Jazz (in my top 3) and also author of best-seller A Million Miles In a Thousand Years (which I haven't purchased yet, but am very excited to read someday). Miller's a great writer and has a great sense of humor. He also has a very well-thought out approach to Christian spirituality and I love reading his stuff. It's very candid and honest. He makes himself vulnerable, and that's what I believe makes good writers incredible ones.

Anyway, earlier this week I read a post on Miller's blog (www.donmilleris.com) about the topic of knowledge and humility. In this entry, Miller shares about his relationship with a former seminary professor named Ross Tunnell who taught him a lot about the Old Testament. Miller and Tunnell would meet for lunch every two weeks or so, and the deal was that Miller would pay for lunch if Tunnell would teach him about the Old Testament.

Miller shares a story of how he and Ross went to a seminar in Salem, Oregon, and on the ride back home, Miller was sharing condescendingly about some Scripture and how he had it all figured out and just didn't understand how someone couldn't share the same outlook. When Miller finished, he turned, looking for some words of affirmation on his position from his friend. Tunnell stayed quiet, so Miller eventually asked, "Ross, what do you think?" Tunnell looked at him and said, "I think knowledge puffs up."

Ouch.

But that made me really think. How often have I used my own (perceived) intelligence, knowledge, or intellect to try and make myself superior to others? How often have I been so lost in my own pride that I forget my Savior was the perfect picture of humility?

As a Bible college student, I naturally have some friends and acquaintances who turn to me when they need an answer about something related to the Bible, Jesus, an application of the Christian faith, or whatever. In those instances, I am all to eager to show off my Bible knowledge, as if learning about things like Pauline letters, the Pentateuch, or the Gospels make me something special.

The fact is, it doesn't. It does, however, make me a humongous jerk.

In 1 Corinthians 8:1, Paul writes that "knowledge puffs up, but love builds up." Knowledge is great. But if I just have knowledge that isn't rooted in the fruits of the Spirit (see Galatians 5), then it's only "puffing up." It's only making me prideful. It's only creating a false sense of superiority to cover my own inadequacies. It's about our heart... like my friend, boss, and mentor Bobby Jackson tells me, "It's about saying and doing the right things at the right time with the right motivation."

And if I speak something grounded in love, I never need to worry about the right motivation. That will take care of itself.

(To read the original Donald Miller blog that inspired this post, click here.)

Defining the Relationship.

Have you ever had a "define the relationship" conversation with someone?

Aren't they tough? I had one recently with someone, and I'm sure she had to be laughing as I fumbled over my words and used the phrase "this is probably really awkward to hear" about 900 times. I think these conversations, though necessary, are tough because they often involve one party really putting themselves out there emotionally. That's not easy to do. Rejection is an ugly thing.

I love my church because we regularly engage in the tough stuff of life, and we just started this series called "Not a Fan." Yesterday, we started off by receiving the challenge to have a DTR conversation with God. Am I really a follower? Do I just think I'm a follower? Am I sitting on the sidelines? Do I have any intention of even starting a relationship with God whatsoever?

As I look at my life, I see a lot of areas where I think I'm being a follower of God. But I also see a lot where I have some real room for growth. I think that my schedule and my time often show I'm probably just a fan of Jesus and not a follower. I think the same could be said of my ability to step out in faith and take chances where I feel like God is leading me, though I think I'm getting better there.

Overall, I think regardless of where you are in your spiritual journey, it's never a bad idea to ask, "What sort of relationship am I in with God?" Just remember that it's never enough to be a fan... God wants followers.

And that distinction makes a world of difference.

Blameless.

I read Psalm 26 recently, and was really struck by the whole psalm, but especially the first few verses:

1Vindicate me, O LORD,

for I have led a blameless life;

I have trusted in the LORD

without wavering.

2Test me, O LORD, and try me,

examine my heart and my mind;

Have you ever been in a situation where you feel like you did everything right, and yet it all still turned out wrong? That's kind of the feeling I get from David after reading all of Psalm 26. He pleas, "God, I'm loving you and following you... I'm doing all the right things; why are you letting this crappy stuff happen to me?" He even dares God to test him; he's that confident that he's living a righteous life.

I can't speak for what was happening in David's life, and whether he was really living blamelessly or just thought he was (remember, he needed the prophet Nathan to point out the pretty obvious sin of sleeping with another man's wife and then killing her husband). What I can say, though, is that I'm really struck by the boldness David uses in asserting that he is a righteous man. David really believed that he was walking blamelessly with God.

Maybe it's just me, but when I approach God, I feel anything but blameless. Can you imagine living a life that is so steeped in being a holy and righteous person that you approach even God feeling confident that you are walking blamelessly with him? Maybe David was having a pride issue; I can't say on that one. But I do think it'd be pretty cool to live a life that gives me confidence as I approach God, knowing that I am walking in his ways and following his truth. That is something huge to work toward.

A Fine Line.

There is a very fine line that I have always struggled to walk as a Christian, and that's the line of grace vs. legalism.

Chances are that you have in some way faced that conflict in your life before as well. I believe that as a Christ follower, that God has immeasurable grace for me. I can screw it up all I want; it doesn't matter. God's grace is bigger than that, and he's not going to be getting rid of me anytime soon because of my sin. But on the other hand, I also know that I'm supposed to live a Christ-honoring lifestyle. God doesn't expect our perfection, but I believe that he expects us to work toward it.

The trap I always fall into is this: at what point (if any) am I leaning a little too much into God's grace? On the other hand, at what point (if any) have I crossed over the line and started to see myself as being part of God's kingdom because of what I do, not because of who God is and what he offers to me? I think Romans 5-8 probably lays this debate out better than any other portion of the Bible I'm aware of, but even here, Paul never really arrives at any solid ending point. At best, he comes to a "both/and" type of conclusion.

I think it ultimately comes back to the heart. I need to examine my motives behind the way I live my life. That can reveal volumes about where I stand in the whole grace/righteousness dichotomy.

Just like everything, it comes back to the heart.