Fine Wine.

I've recently begun reading the book "Searching for God Knows What" by Donald Miller.

I love his writing, but that's beside the point.

In discussing his desire for a faith driven by systems and formulas, Miller states that unfortunately, this type of Christian faith doesn't exist. In all reality, our faith is driven by relationships and experiences with God and others. Our faith isn't something that can be broken down into a few easy steps.

And in commenting on this, Miller shares a deep truth on this reality that faith can never be driven by formulas:

"Reality is like a fine wine. It will not appeal to children."

It's Time to Move.

Seriously.

Sometimes I go to my profile, click on a random band or book that I like, and look through people on here who share similar interests. No one lives in Ohio.

And all of a sudden, I got this urge to move. To go somewhere else.

Maybe I'll move to Portland or Seattle. Or somewhere in California. Or maybe one of the kinda cool, artsy midwestern cities like KC, Tulsa, or OKC.

I want a lot more out of life than this silly, Ohio experience filled with flat land, cornfields, and fundamentalist billboards. Maybe after I finish up college I should move far away.

I've always kind of thought about that.

In a way, that'd be really exciting, and kind of cool, though certainly intimidating. Maybe.

I always kind of had this impression that when God pushes you out of your comfort zone, it had to be something that you would hate. Something you'd never want to do in any way, shape, or form. But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's possible that something I want to do outside of my comfort zone is something God wants me to do too.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Finals season is over.

I am sitting in my living room in my own home in Columbus, OH.

All is well :)

Pray II

Oh my gosh finals season is here.

Today was my tough day. I had a 5 page paper due today as a final for one of my classes. I was definitely psyched when I turned it in and my prof told me he disagreed with my thesis.

Well, there's always next time.

I also had a recital performance today, my most difficult final, and I had to take a guitar proficiency, which is really intimidating because like 5 teachers are all looking at you, waiting to see your every mistake.

And then I took a nap. Oh it was wonderful.

But through the course of my day, I opened up to 1 Samuel. Earlier this week, I was talking with one of our elders at church, and he was sharing about how he had started to read some of the Old Testament in the Message version of the Bible. He expressed how surprised he was at how interesting it was. He's in either 1 or 2 Samuel right now, and so I guess that sort of inspired me to open up to 1 Samuel and go through it myself.

Anyway, the book opens up with the story of Hannah. She was this awesome lady who was married to a man named Elkanah, who loved her dearly. The problem? Hannah had no children while Elkanah's other wife, Peninnah, had several sons and daughters. Peninnah would ferociously taunt Hannah for her barrenness, making Hannah feel just awful. This all goes without saying that in this culture, children were a sign of blessing. Thus, to be childless basically meant that you were not blessed by God.

Hannah felt pretty crappy.

Every year it was the same story. Hannah would make the trip up to the temple with Peninnah and Elkanah to offer sacrifices. Eventually the sorrow became too much for Hannah to bear. She refused to eat. She was deeply hurt.

So Hannah prayed.

And I love what Hannah says about how she prayed:

"I've been praying from the depth of my anguish and resentment," (1 samuel 1:16).

Apparently she was praying so deeply and in so much anguish that the priest Eli thought she was drunk.

The story goes on, with Hannah being blessed by Eli, and eventually she does conceive and has a son. In keeping with a vow she made to the Lord, Hannah gives this child to Eli to be raised in the temple as the Lord's very own. This boy would grow up to be the great judge, Samuel.

But I want to go back to Hannah's prayer for a moment.

Anguish? Resentment?

Not two words we associate with prayer.

Hannah was praying from deep down, where it hurts.

With emotion.

With passion.

She was angry. She was hurt. She resented God. She resented her rival, Peninnah. She resented how everything seemed to be working out for everyone else, while she followed God and never received any such blessing.

I identify with that, but I don't always turn to prayer like Hannah did.

I generally turn away in those times.

I could stand to learn a lot from Hannah.

I need to learn how to pray when it hurts.

I need to learn to pray from the depth of anguish and resentment.

Wanted...

So I've finally succumbed to the pressure of my female friends and I made one of these stupid lists. I'm so sorry to everyone reading this. I promise I'm not some emo teenager that wastes all of his time thinking about girls or having a girlfriend or whatever. But, I guess this is something good to consider.

My Qualifications for a Girl

1. Christian. I think this one goes without saying. Hard to be a minister without a Christian spouse.

2. Attractive. Again, goes without saying. You want to think she's pretty.

3. A developed personal sense of style. I promise this isn't shallow as it sounds. But for me, there's just something about a girl who has taken the time to really develop her own, unique, beautiful style. It doesn't have to resemble my own, of course. I think it's just something that expresses a person's individuality, and I find that really appealing.

4. Music. I want to share a similar taste in music with my wife. I want us to be able to go to concerts together and just enjoy talking about music and listening to music and overall sharing that as an interest. Music is a huge part of my life and I want it to be a big part of hers, too.

5. Chemistry. This one's important. You know how you meet someone and you just automatically are able to play off of each other? You offset each other well? That's the kind of thing I want to happen with my wife. I've decided that there are 3 types of couples: fighters, squabblers, and then the couples that don't really fight. I'm not a person who likes confrontation. Maybe that's a weakness of mine. But I want to be a couple that doesn't fight... we're people who don't let the little things in life bother us. That's how we roll. Not that we'll never fight, but there are some people that make that a way of life. Not for me. Overall, I just want to get along with my wife really well. I want us to laugh and enjoy life together.

6. Intelligent. There is absolutely nothing better to me than an intelligent woman. Now, there are some people who are intelligent in a really cocky, standoffish way. That's not the kind of intelligent person I want to be with. But there is something incredibly sexy to me about a woman who is intelligent and well-informed, with her own independent ideas and ways of thinking.

7. Interesting. I think that it's important that you're with someone who's really interesting. I want to be with my wife and know that even when we are old, that I will still be learning more about her and her life experiences. I still want to be able to listen to her stories.

8. A best friend. Finally, I want to be with my best friend in the whole world. I want to be with a person who is my best friend in the whole world. I want to be able to share my life with her. I want to be able to talk about what's on my mind, and she'll listen. I want to be with someone where I enjoy every second that I spend with them. I think the great thing about best friends is that you don't have to spend every waking moment with them to prove your friendship. With best friends, that relationship is understood. I think the same here. Yes, of course I want to spend tons of time with her. But we understand each other's need for space and don't feel obligated to be one of those couples that spends every waking moment with each other. I want to fall in love with my best friend.

I suppose there are a ton of other things that could be on there, but I think those are the things that are really important to me. That's what I care about. We can talk about other "negotiables," but the above 8 things are things that are pretty set in stone for me. Take it or leave it. Maybe I'll be single forever. Or maybe not...