Concert.

Well, the streets of Millvale (Pittsburgh), PA were just a little bit happier tonight as I enjoyed a Mae concert with my dear friends Justin Danec and Kevin Heller. We endured about 360 miles of travel and 6 hours in a car together as we went to enjoy some good music from one of our favorite bands... I think this was like our 6th time seeing the group play. I also developed a love for one of the opening bands that played this evening: Barcelona. They were great. Check out their CD "Absolutes." Not too bad at the concert.

Lately, I've also been listening a lot to a band called Sleeping at Last. They are also a very good band, out of Illinois I believe. Very nice and mellow... my kind of stuff. Check them out as well. I think they might actually be Christian, too... not that that should necessarily influence your feelings about their music. Just throwing that one out there.

I really loved just getting to spend some time with some buddies in the car this evening. It was great to talk and joke and just be ourselves. Certainly a lot of laughter. Good times.

And over the past few days, I've realized how terrible I am at this whole 1 Corinthians 9 thing that I posted about a few days ago. I've kept messing up time and time again... probs a little disappointing to God. Yet, I know his grace covers my mistakes. For that I am truly thankful, because I am far from a perfect person. I'm just a forgiven one. Without being too religious, thank you Jesus!

C.J. and Ami leave for Indy tomorrow... hard to believe that it is happening.

Love you guys. I'll write again soon.

wb

1 Corinthians 10.21-22//Choice.

"You cannot drink the cup of the Lord and the cup of demons. You cannot share in the Lord's table and the table of demons. Or are we provoking the Lord to jealousy? Are we stronger than he?"

1corinthians10.21-22

This verse is a real stirring reminder of the importance of living each and every day in a holy way. I can think of a few different verses from Paul's writings where he makes a huge point about this. In Romans, he talks about the grace of Christ, but comes right back to say that we shouldn't just keep sinning. God has redeemed us from that lifestyle and we shouldn't continue in it any longer. I think in James, the author talks about how out of the same mouth come both blessing and cursing, and James' response is, "Brothers, this should not be!" This verse even echoes some of the teachings of Jesus, where he says that those who are not with him are against him, etc.

It's kind of hard figuring out this paradox between God's grace and my sin. I understand I'm not supposed to sin any more, but I still do. God's grace certainly covers over those sins. Yet, it really makes me uncomfortable when I see people tossing around sin like it's nothing, because they know the grace of God covers it. I don't think that's the Christianity that Jesus, Paul, or Peter would want us to practice.

Here, it is really clear that for Christians, we can't share both in the community of God and the community of Satan. Which for me, is a little convicting. I struggle with some stuff. Seemingly everyday there are things that I think, things that I say, that immediately afterwards make me think, "That was so stupid. That was not God honoring." Again, I know that in the end, those sins are covered by the blood of Christ. They're as far away as the east is from the west. But, I know that in light of this verse, that's not the way I should be living.

I shouldn't think hatefully.

I shouldn't say the mean thing.

I shouldn't look at that picture.

I shouldn't spend irresponsibly.

Ultimately, through this passage, I think that God is trying to say that it's important for us to remember that as Christians, we no longer have any part in worldly ways of thinking, acting, and behaving. And a lot of the time, I don't think I match up to that standard. I don't do God justice. I have a tendency to throw holiness and sanctification on the back burner, when I should really make those qualities a bigger priority in my life.

So Lord, here's to you transforming me, renewing me, and sanctifying me from the inside out.

Say.

Well, it's been awhile, but I'm hoping to keep up with this a lot this summer. I'm starting to recognize how quickly time and life pass me by, and I guess that for me, this is a great release as well as a good way to sort of document the moments and phases of my life and such.

I've never been much of a person for regrets, but lately, I'm finding a few.

Number one, I regret being so stupid with money. Seriously, I'm terrible. Here, as a 21 year old college student, I find myself almost $5,000 in debt. That's terrible. Shameful. I regret the stupid financial decisions that I've made in my past. For the past few months I've been doing my best to try and get things rolling, but to no avail. I can never seem to press through.

I also regret not taking more time to invest in relationships with other people. At the outset of this year, I was looking at a much more relaxed schedule, with some opportunities to really invest in some people and benefit in that way. Now, I look back at the year, and I discover I really didn't invest much in anything. I didn't invest much in my relationship with God. I didn't invest much time in making new friends, or more specifically, in growing closer to a few of the friends that I already have. I wish I would have taken less time feeling like I was a burden on other people and just take the risk of sharing my life with other people.

I really regret placing so much stock in my failed New Hampshire internship. That ended up pushing my graduation date back an entire year. With the internship I'm taking now (which, don't get me wrong, I am excited about), I'm not going to graduate with those I entered school with. It's kind of depressing.

I also really regret not taking the time to meet and go out with Laura. I waited like a month to finally work up the courage to even tell people about her, and then Ami delivers a golden opportunity right into my lap and I let my nerves and fears get in the way of ever trying to, you know, talk to her or ask her out or anything like that. Each day I log onto facebook, I am reminded of what a great girl she is, how surprisingly compatible we would be, and of the opportunity that I let drift away. Now I'm not sure what to do. I regret wasting my time pursuing a stupid, familiar relationship that I knew probably wasn't going to work out anyway instead of going after something new, beautiful, and exciting. I missed an opportunity there.

It's just kind of strange how life works out. I don't know exactly what I expected to be doing with my life at age 21, but I don't think I expected to be here. And I'm not saying that's a bad thing (or a good thing), but just something I didn't expect. I wasn't expecting to do a year-long internship. I wasn't expecting to spend another empty summer at home. I certainly wasn't expecting financial trouble. Of course, I wasn't expecting to be working a great ministry job in Springboro, either.

I also wasn't expecting to say goodbye for what seems like forever to my two best friends this year. I don't think that the weight of this has fully hit me yet. It's summer. But I know that when the beginning of the next school year rolls around, I will be missing C.J. and Ami a lot. It's just really funny how one second we're graduating together, and the next, they're finishing school before I've even started senior year yet. I still just kind of feel like I'm flying through. I'm supposed to be having dinner with them tomorrow night. I wonder if it will hit me then, as they pack up and get ready to leave on Friday. We'll see.

I'm listening to a song right now that proclaims we need to "say all the things that you really want to say." In that spirit, here's a few. I don't want to talk about my internship. I'm not ready yet. I'm ready to leave, but I'm not ready to part with friends. I'm not ready to put my life on hold for yet another year. I'm not ready to leave church. I'm not ready to face the questions of adulthood. I'm just not ready yet.

I don't want to have another talk with my family about my plans, or lack thereof. I just want to be allowed to live my life without necessarily having a plan in place. Why can't they just let stuff happen? I want to talk about Laura. I want to talk to Laura... I want to do something in that situation, but I don't know what. I want my dad to get a job so my life can feel like it has some semblance of normalcy. I want to be anywhere but here, yet not there.

Those are the things I want to say. I said them.

Cancer.

There is nothing like the terror that flashes through your heart when you hear the word "cancer."

And, unfortunately, today a family near and dear to my heart heard that word today.

A very dear friend, Scott LeBlanc, heard news that his father, Bobby, was diagnosed with cancer today. Tests are still being done to figure out how much the cancer has spread. He is already scheduled to undergo treatment on the 31st.

Please join me in praying for the LeBlanc family at this time.

Singleness.

No one is impressed by my self-pity.

That's something I've kind of come to realize lately.

Tonight, I had a conversation with God. I drove to the grocery store to get some snacks for me to watch a movie, when on the way home I just suddenly kind of started talking. To God.

It wasn't something heart-wrenching or emotional. It wasn't a tear-filled prayer. In fact, no tears were shed at all.

But it was something truly magical.

I feel like I write on here a lot about being single. Maybe I do. Maybe I'm just being overly self-conscious. Who knows. But being a single person at Bible college, that topic gets thrown your way a lot. It's gotten thrown my way a lot lately. February 10th marked 4 years for me since I last dated someone. February 13th, I celebrated a friend's 22nd b-day. The gathering was her and her husband, her parents, and her sister and her serious bf.

Yeah, that's seventh wheel, if you're counting.

I spent another Valentines' Day alone. A girl I liked wasn't interested. I went to a CCU formal at the end of February where my table was a married couple, an engaged couple, and one girl who was engaged, but whose fiancee was in Texas. And somewhere in the midst of all the hand holding, discussion of wedding plans and receptions, honeymoon talk, and looking at someone's new wedding band, singleness kept rearing its ugly head my way.

It has been. But I am slowly realizing a couple things.

1. No one is impressed by my self-pity. I don't know why I do it. But at the first sign of loneliness, I get all depressed. I sulk. I mope. I'm sure it's not very becoming. I don't really know why I do it though. I'm sure that some of it is just a natural reaction of being a little depressed. But I think that a lot of it is some sort of device I use to get attention. Maybe someone will ask me and I'll get to open up and talk about it (because I never talk about these things face-to-face with anyone... it's one of those subjects I bury deep down inside). But the fact is that I think a big part of me is just content to throw a pity party for myself. Yeah, singleness sucks, especially living in my predominately non-single world. But self-pity isn't the answer, and I think that somewhere along the line I told myself that it was.

2. I can trust in God. I think that this was the big realization for me talking to God tonight. Simply this idea that God has a plan (Jeremiah 29:11) changes everything. God has a plan for me. Yeah, it kind of sucks not knowing what that plan is, but I suppose that's just part of the ride. Right now, I am in the middle of living out the life that God has for me. And for whatever reason, right now, my life is that of a single guy. That's God's plan for me. And even though I don't always like it, I know I can trust God. I know God loves me. I know God has my best interests in mind. Thus, by faith, I choose to trust in God's plan for me and my life. God has brought me this far. He will continue to write my life story, and I shouldn't be afraid of that, because I know it will be something totally awesome. Yeah, I'm going to forget that sometimes. I'm going to mope on occasion. I'm sure of it. But through it all, I can focus on the God I serve and love, knowing that he has my best interests in mind. Always.

3. There are other people around me. This is kind of a realization I am coming to right now as I write this. Tonight I just finished watching the last two weeks' episodes of the Office. I really feel for Michael. His heart is broken after a series of unfortunate, uncontrollable events take Holly away from him, and then he finds out that she's seeing someone else. Then he throws this singles mixer, and the girl he met in the office park didn't show up. That sucks. I really empathize with Michael's struggles in a lot of ways. But one of the things that was kind of heartwarming at the end of the last episode was that other single people in the office rallied around Michael. They didn't let him be alone. They walked out with him. I think that a lot of the time I'm too busy pitying myself to recognize that I am surrounded by some awesome people that love me a ton. I need to let them love me, and never forget that their friendship always follows me, wherever I am. I also need to learn to open up to people... to quit shoving my feelings inside, and to share these feelings with those who love me, no matter how stupid, shallow, or insignificant I think my thoughts and feelings are.

I don't know guys. These are just some thoughts I've got on an issue that's always circulating in my brain. And if I ever start to pity myself again, tell me to snap out of it. That's being stupid.

But I know and trust in a God who loves and cares for me deeply. And very slowly, this is turning from a glittering Christian generality into an awesome truth.

wb