Consumed.

Well, today here at Suncrest we wrapped up a 2-week series on what/how we worship called "Consumed." Today, my dear friend/mentor Bobby preached a message entitled "Audience of One," and I walked away with a few thoughts for further consideration.

Today centered around Psalm 63. We heard it once before the message, once during the message, and said it together after the message. The psalm was written with a lot of passion; David writes that he earnestly seeks after God, like a man who is parched in a desert with no water. That's some pretty desperate, longing, intense imagery. He writes that God's love for him is better than life, and that when he lies awake on his bed at night, he still thinks about God.

This psalm paints the picture of a love that is intense. David really does love the Lord, big time. And as I listened and read that psalm today, I had to ask myself the question, "Does that accurately describe me?" I do feel spiritually parched quite often. I long for God, but not enough to take any action, unlike David, which is a problem. I think that if I'm honest, I probably don't spend enough time searching after God, desiring to know Him. There are a lot of nights where I lie in bed thinking about all I have to do tomorrow, or how I hate that I need to get up so early, or whatever, but I'm certainly not thinking about my relationship with God. I know and trust that God's love is better than life, but do my actions demonstrate that I really believe that? If I truly believed that to love and be loved by God was the greatest thing ever, I would probably be chasing after a whole lot of different things than I am right now.

The other thing I walked away with today was that worship always costs something. This is something I know, but was also something that I really needed to be reminded of, and definitely something that I need to practice better. In the Bible, the first use of the word "worship" comes in Genesis 22:5, with Abraham. God tests Abraham by asking him to sacrifice his only son. Abraham is prepared to do so, understanding fully that worshipping God was going to cost him something.

A lot of something, in fact.

In 2 Samuel 24, David has just engaged in the evil act of pride, and God is now punishing Israel as a result of David's unjust actions. Yet, in the midst of the calamity, God had mercy on Israel and put a stop to His punishment. Out of thankfulness and gratitude, David built an altar at the home of a guy named Araunah, for that is where God's punishment stopped. Araunah wants to give David all the stuff (the land, the supplies, the altar) for free since he is the king, but David refuses. His reason? He will not give to the Lord something that costs him nothing.

I hate the fact that worship requires sacrifice. I understand why it does, and that makes sense to me. But I hate the fact that my loving God always requires sacrifice, because, simply put, sacrifice is tough. Being a follower of Christ means that I sacrifice living a certain, sinful kind of lifestyle. Worshipping God means that even when I feel like stuff in my life is going crappy, that I have to suck it up and worship God anyway, because He alone is worthy and deserving.

A song I've been thinking about a lot recently is a song by Hillsong called "For Who You Are." The whole chorus of the song is simply the words, "I will worship You for who You are," which I think is right on. My worship of God should not be contingent on things going well in my life, on me being in a good mood, or me even feeling like it. My worship solely hinges on the fact that God alone is worthy and deserving. No matter what happens in my life, nothing can change the fact that God is truth, love, justice, beauty, grace, forgiveness, joy, and goodness in their purest forms.

And nothing can change the fact that about 2,000 years ago, God died so that I didn't have to face death in eternity. No matter what my mood is, that should always call me to worship.

So to wrap up, today we were asked to compose our own psalm to God as a next step. Here's mine:

Lord, I love You.

Even when I do a crappy job of showing it, I still love You.

Lord, I ask for Your forgiveness:

For the times when I am apathetic,

When I chase after things other than You,

And when I am just plain lazy and lukewarm in the way I live.

You deserve better; You deserve my best.

Lord, help me to love You.

Help me to desire You, more than anything.

You alone are true happiness, joy, and life.

I believe that. Please help me to live that.

And give me the wisdom and courage to know when I am not.

I want to have an intimate, passionate relationship with You.

As scary as it is to me, I surrender my life to You,

Believing that where You take me is where I need to go.

Lord, thank you for Your mercy and grace

For how You offer them to me every single day,

Regardless of the ways I messed up the day before,

Never growing weary, but always giving me a new, fresh chance.

Help me to extend that grace to others.

And help me to truly love You, deep from my heart.

What I Learned from Reading Crazy Love.

So I finally finished "Crazy Love" yesterday.

And now I'm sort of left with the question, "What happens next?"

There is no doubt that this book has convicted me profoundly; probably more so than any book that I've ever read. But I'd just really hate to finish this book, walk away, and then do nothing. After all, the entire point of the book (to me, at least) is that our love for the God who has saved us should prompt us to take action and live the true Christian life; a life that goes far above and beyond the call in its desire to love, give, and serve.

As I read chapter 9 and the stories of people who did or are doing incredible things to further the kingdom of God, I left feeling really overwhelmed on a few fronts. Number one, I just can't imagine a life like that. It's scary, and even to me, a person who believes we need to trust and give God all we have and are, seems pretty crazy. But it also left me feeling overwhelmed in the sense that I just felt like I could never do this. "There's just no way this can happen," I continued to say in my heart. I was defeating myself before I even began.

And that's when I believe that the Holy Spirit spoke to me and reminded me that that's the point. I can't do it. Only He can. I believe that as a Christian, God is going to continue transforming me and changing my life. He has opened my eyes to many of the ways in which I am failing him through this selfish, self-centered, self-serving faith that I am living. Now He calls me to do something about it, trusting that along the journey, He is going to mold and shape me and change my heart, mind, and lifestyle into being one that gives even more glory and honor to Him.

So how am I going to change? Number one, I'm going to pray that God would help me to love Him. That was a prayer mentioned by Francis at some point in the book, and it's one that I've started praying since. And though I've only been doing that about a week or so, I believe that I'm already seeing some fruit from that and that I'm seeing the beginnings of God's transformation on my heart, and that excites me. God tells us that without love, our service means nothing, so it all has to start here.

Secondly, I'm praying for God to have all of me, and to use me and spend me for His purposes, whatever that means. If I'm brutally honest with myself, I think that I sort of fall into that category of people Francis talks about who are honestly satisfied with the amount of God they already have... God occupies a segment of our lives so that we can claim to be Christ-followers and just go about living life. I don't want to be that person. In the most loving way possible, while I believe those people are certainly loved and saved by God, I think that is a terrible substitute for the true Christian life. As much as it scares me to pray for God to have all of me, I'm going to pray it anyway and see what happens. To do anything less wouldn't be living up to the fullest extent of the plan that God has laid out for me.

I'm also going to make a strong commitment to give more. I already tithe 10%, but I am very convicted that I need to be giving more than that (just a personal conviction; please don't think I'm saying everyone has to do this), embodying the generosity that God has shown to me in Christ. So I've decided that each month, in addition to my church offering, I'm going to offer up an extra portion of my income to help the poor, the oppressed, the sick, and the hungry across the earth. Does that make sense given my lack of income right now? No. Does it scare me? You bet. But God does ask us to test Him in this matter, and I, for one, am anxious to see how He provides.

I know I need to serve somewhere, but I'm not really sure where my heart lies yet. Maybe in homeless ministry? Maybe helping single parents and/or broken families? Maybe helping out those suffering from addiction? There's a lady at our church who is actively involved in ministry to incarcerated individuals and their families... I'm sort of intrigued about that as well. This is what scares me the most, because in a lot of ways I think I treasure my time above everything else. But this is part of what I feel all of us as Christians are called to do... to serve and help others in need and distress, regardless of how difficult or uncomfortable it is.

Guys, I need your prayers as I embark on this journey. But I am trusting that God is going to do some amazing things as I continue to let Him lead me, no matter how scary it may seem.

What did "Crazy Love" teach me? It taught me to adopt a model for my life of loving, serving, and giving because that is what God so generously did with us.

wb

P.S.: On a totally unrelated note, our lead pastor at Suncrest (church I am interning at in NW Indiana) preached a really great message on the priority of sex yesterday. However, what really struck me was the opening 7-8 minutes of his message, where he focused on the priority of singles (since people who are both Christians and unmarried hopefully are not having sex), and it was really something that I was touched by and could empathize with. Listen to the August 23 message called "Priority" at http://bit.ly/plFcu.