What Lies Ahead.

Well, I can't believe it, but the beginning of school is finally here.

This weekend I'll be packing up all my belongings and moving back to Cincinnati for the next few months. I truly feel like it was not but a few weeks ago that I was in Cincinnati helping C.J. move into his new apartment and I was moving into Brad's. And I can still remember how happy I was when I finally moved back home to Columbus... no longer would I be living out of boxes and such. But alas, now I am preparing to move back again.

I am both excited and anxious about what this upcoming semester holds. A lot has happened over the summer. C.J. and Ami have tied the knot, as have Tyler and Caitlin, Scott (my old roommate) and Sara, as well as Erin, one of my friends from high school. Certainly, this phenomenon will not stop as the year carries on... I'm entering my junior year in Bible college, and like it or not, that means that with each passing month, someone new will be getting engaged, married, or at least dating seriously. I suppose I should expect change in that area of my life.

Summer for me personally has been a really different experience. I entered summer telling myself that I would not hold back, but that I would jump in and get involved in a lot of different things. I promised myself that I wouldn't just sit around and do nothing like I do every summer. For the most part, I feel like I've come through on that goal. I've typically been working at least 4, usually 5 or 6 days a week, so I've been involved there. I've even walked away making some nice new acquaintances. I started teaching class on Sunday morning for high schoolers at church... we've been going through the Gospels. More than studying with these kids, it's been cool to form some new relationships with these kids and to get to know them a little more personally. I even got to go to CIY this summer as a sponsor, and that was really awesome. Getting to know all of the kids was great. Somewhere in there, I found time to spend with friends, which has also been really nice. Generally, I feel pretty out of place back home seeing that I'm only here on a very minimal basis throughout the year. Getting plugged in again was nice.

In many ways I feel as if I am maturing as a person. I find myself longing to be living on my own, having friends over and just enjoying life. I can't wait to turn 21 and enjoy a nice glass of wine as I wind down the day every now and then. Yet, in many ways, I'm still so young. I'm not ready to decide what I want to do with my life yet. I still feel very young in my faith; I feel extremely unworthy to guide other people into spiritual maturity when I still feel so far from that ideal myself. All in all, though, I suppose that this is what these years are all about.

I'm very excited about this upcoming few months. I love my schedule for school. Class 9-12 and 1:30-2:45 on Monday and Wednesday (9-12 only on Fridays), and then no class until 3:30 on Tuesday. I don't even have class Thursdays, which will be awesome. To boot, I'm only carrying 19 credit hours this semester (compared to 24 last semester, plus an international trip and weekend long tour of the midwest), and only 16 of those are actually during the semester. I also feel like I've gotten a work schedule which allows me to work enough hours to support myself, while at the same time allowing me time to have a social life and be with those that I love. I'm also feeling less pressure to be at work all the time, and I'm a little more open to taking some time off to live my life and make my world a little less stressful.

At the same time, I'm also a little anxious about a few things. I'm going to be carrying a little bit of debt into the beginning of next semester. I hope that I can be responsible, dig myself out, and take care of that situation. I was very dissatisfied with work last semester... I never felt that I got good hours, and I also felt a little disrespected. I'm a good employee and a hard worker, and I just don't feel that my managers ever recognized that, and didn't give me the treatment that I deserved. I hope that both of those things change this year.

I'll be living alone this year, and while in some ways that's going to be nice, I also anticipate that being difficult. I am a person who makes friends easily, but I do not make close friends easily at all. Any close friends I have are generally those who are made in spite of me, not because of me. I struggle to get myself plugged into community, and I hope that this year I can learn how to reach out to those around me, instead of choosing to be lonely or depressed. I'm still going to be doing worship for church in Columbus 2 weekends a month, and that's a big, time-consuming committment. I'm feeling kind of burnt out with that right now, and there were points last semester where I was ready to quit. I need strength and perseverance to continue.

Overall, I'm looking forward to what the next semester has in store. Last year was a difficult year of growth for me. I'm praying that this year will be a little easier. Here's to new friendships, more joy, and great experiences in the months that lie ahead.

Until next time...