Elizabethtown.

So I just finished watching the movie Elizabethtown. That movie always makes me think.

I think that I like what a moving story it is. Drew feels like a total and complete failure. He's ready to kill himself, but only by an act of God he is saved from himself and ends up discovering his life all over again. It's quite moving, really. He discovers friendship, and it comes in the last place he would have ever expected it. And then, he is finally able to discover love.

The romance between Drew and Claire is so beautiful. It is a love that is innocent; a love that is rooted deeply in a bond of friendship. It expresses itself in this beautiful, childlike way that's so refreshing. We know that Drew's character goes through pain, but I sense that Claire's character does as well. She knows the pain of being alone. She knows the pain of failure and loss, but yet she still approaches life and love in this amazingly innocent way. She loves like she's never been hurt.

And she calls herself a substitute; she's always on hold for something else. Ben doesn't love her as much as he loves his academia and learning. She's never the first priority; she's always the second choice.

There is a big part of me that empathizes with that. A huge one, really.

But most of all, that movie always makes me long for a romance like that... a romance that is sweet and innocent. A romance that is somehow uncorrupted by the extreme sadness and sorrow that we live in on this difficult earth. Their romance is like a dance that is unscripted yet comes together perfectly in the end. To me, that is beautiful.

I feel like I'm always on here bemoaning the single life. I swear I don't sit in a corner all day feeling depressed and sorry for myself (at least, not on most days). It's just something that I think about. Deep down I have a desire to be truly loved, not loved in this cheap friendship sense that has tarnished the very meaning of the word "love." And I don't want to be loved for what I do. I want to be loved for who I am. Even when I am in my most pathetic, depressing state, with nothing to offer, I want to be loved for who I am. And I want to be a first choice, not a substitute.

To be truly loved is the greatest treasure of all.

Yet, I also want to love. And I think that is incredibly hard. Somehow, I want to learn to push through my fears and reasons why not and learn to truly love another person, deeply and from the heart. I want to learn to throw my cares and inhibitions to the wind. I want to quit being so anxious and learn how to just put myself out there. I want to dance that unscripted, yet put together dance that we call love.

For the longest time I've looked at love in all the wrong ways. If we share this interest or like this movie or this band; if we enjoy this food or watch this TV show, then we can be in love. I think just now, even as I am writing this, I realize that love never has been and never will be about these things. It will always be something personal; something that deals with your identity. Your identity isn't wrapped up in what music you listen to, what movies you like, or what things interest you. Your identity is wrapped up in who you choose to be. It's the person you are; how you interact with the world around you and the personality and character that makes you you.

At it's heart, I guess love will always be about the individual. Being in love or loving a person has nothing to do with what interests you share; it has everything to do with simply caring for a person. And when I think about the relationships that I hold near and dear, this is the truth. I'm not friends with these people because they share similar tastes in everything. I love them because of who they are. I love them because I care about them and their life, regardless of what differences we have in the external stuff.

I think I actually learned a lot tonight, and I didn't even realize it.

So, I, for one, am excited for the new year to get underway.

This week is going to be amazing; my parents are going back to work and my sister is going back to school, but I am still on break. I'm going to have a house all to myself, which is going to be, well, in one word, amazing. I'm totally going to vege out all week. I'm so excited. Time with the family is always awesome, but it's nice to have some peace and quiet too.

But I'm also excited for the school year to start. First off, I'm excited at a lot of the classes I'll be taking this semester. And what excites me the most is that I'm excited about the classes themselves. For instance, I am really looking forward to taking my Prayer & Spirituality early week with Snyder. With the exception of just one of my classes, I am legitimately excited about each course. I'm also excited about the Campus Worship Minister position that I've taken at CCU this semester, and I'm looking forward to what comes with that.

Stuff at church got underway this week, and it all went very well. Our band was really small, and I was a little concerned that things wouldn't be very exciting, but on the contrary, things worked out quite nicely, and I think we got the new year kicked off to a good start. I'm really anxious about 2009 and seeing what happens at Southwest. I just pray that God works through it all and does more than what I could ever ask or imagine.

And on the personal front, for the first time in a while, I've decided that I actually like someone. I'm not just crushing on someone or doing one of these stupid Bible college infatuation kind of things. I've decided I actually like someone. And even more, I've decided that I'm actually going to do something about it; you know, get a backbone and actually ask her out.

Crazy, I know.

I'm also going to try and exercise more in the new year. Losing weight would be nice, I suppose, but more than that, I just want to try and feel better about myself and feel like I'm healthier. I could stay my same size, but if I feel like I'm a healthier person, that will be enough for me. We'll see how that goes... I'm going to sign up for my gym membership when I get back to school and then we'll go from there!

Well, as always, thanks for reading. I hope everyone has had a good start to their year so far. May Christ continue to guide, bless, and protect you as you go about doing his will!

wb