It's just hard to imagine that 5 years ago, I was a junior in high school. My hugest life concerns were finishing Spanish homework and getting my driver's license. Now at 21, life feels very different. I'm all of a sudden making decisions about what's after school, thinking of potential job offers, thinking about a potential relationship in my life, and contemplating what kind of car, house, and home decor I will purchase when I one day move into a place of my own. What city will I even want to live in?
It all feels so weird. And I think that what makes me even more nervous is the simple fact that in a lot of it, I feel like God is really quiet. That's not to say he's absent (though unfortunately, my life doesn't always make nearly enough room for God), but simply that he's very, very quiet. Maybe even not speaking at the moment. For big, huge, important decisions, I want God to be really, really loud. I want him to shout instructions at me.
But that's not how it happens. In reality, I pray about something and then fearfully, cautiously, take the next step, and just hope and pray that it's what God wants. Sometimes I get it right. But sometimes I get it wrong. That's really scary to me. I want to minimize risk, minimize the chance of a mess, as much as possible. But that's not how it works.
I guess I'm more writing here to share my life than I am to make a point. I ask all of you, what do you do when struggling with important decisions in your life? How do you hear God's voice? How do you discern your own next steps? That's the conflict I'm experiencing right now.
Posts
