Resolutions.

So, at this time of year, there is generally a lot of talk about New Year's Resolutions. What are you going to do differently in 2009 as compared to 2008?

Now, I'm generally not one for resolutions. I don't even remember making any over the past couple of years. That being said, though, I think there's something to be said for a new year being a new start and a new chance for change.

And so this year, I think my main resolution is to be more decisive and assertive and to take more risks. I think that I have fallen into the trap of letting so many things simply go by. I want to do so much with my life and I want to be happy, but most of the time I'm just too much of a chicken or too spineless to take the initiative and make things happen. Sometimes being happy requires taking risks; that's not something I'm very good at either. So, this year, I feel I need to be willing to take more risks and be more assertive in getting some things that I want and that I deserve.

We'll see how it goes!

Fine Wine.

I've recently begun reading the book "Searching for God Knows What" by Donald Miller.

I love his writing, but that's beside the point.

In discussing his desire for a faith driven by systems and formulas, Miller states that unfortunately, this type of Christian faith doesn't exist. In all reality, our faith is driven by relationships and experiences with God and others. Our faith isn't something that can be broken down into a few easy steps.

And in commenting on this, Miller shares a deep truth on this reality that faith can never be driven by formulas:

"Reality is like a fine wine. It will not appeal to children."

It's Time to Move.

Seriously.

Sometimes I go to my profile, click on a random band or book that I like, and look through people on here who share similar interests. No one lives in Ohio.

And all of a sudden, I got this urge to move. To go somewhere else.

Maybe I'll move to Portland or Seattle. Or somewhere in California. Or maybe one of the kinda cool, artsy midwestern cities like KC, Tulsa, or OKC.

I want a lot more out of life than this silly, Ohio experience filled with flat land, cornfields, and fundamentalist billboards. Maybe after I finish up college I should move far away.

I've always kind of thought about that.

In a way, that'd be really exciting, and kind of cool, though certainly intimidating. Maybe.

I always kind of had this impression that when God pushes you out of your comfort zone, it had to be something that you would hate. Something you'd never want to do in any way, shape, or form. But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's possible that something I want to do outside of my comfort zone is something God wants me to do too.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Finals season is over.

I am sitting in my living room in my own home in Columbus, OH.

All is well :)

Pray II

Oh my gosh finals season is here.

Today was my tough day. I had a 5 page paper due today as a final for one of my classes. I was definitely psyched when I turned it in and my prof told me he disagreed with my thesis.

Well, there's always next time.

I also had a recital performance today, my most difficult final, and I had to take a guitar proficiency, which is really intimidating because like 5 teachers are all looking at you, waiting to see your every mistake.

And then I took a nap. Oh it was wonderful.

But through the course of my day, I opened up to 1 Samuel. Earlier this week, I was talking with one of our elders at church, and he was sharing about how he had started to read some of the Old Testament in the Message version of the Bible. He expressed how surprised he was at how interesting it was. He's in either 1 or 2 Samuel right now, and so I guess that sort of inspired me to open up to 1 Samuel and go through it myself.

Anyway, the book opens up with the story of Hannah. She was this awesome lady who was married to a man named Elkanah, who loved her dearly. The problem? Hannah had no children while Elkanah's other wife, Peninnah, had several sons and daughters. Peninnah would ferociously taunt Hannah for her barrenness, making Hannah feel just awful. This all goes without saying that in this culture, children were a sign of blessing. Thus, to be childless basically meant that you were not blessed by God.

Hannah felt pretty crappy.

Every year it was the same story. Hannah would make the trip up to the temple with Peninnah and Elkanah to offer sacrifices. Eventually the sorrow became too much for Hannah to bear. She refused to eat. She was deeply hurt.

So Hannah prayed.

And I love what Hannah says about how she prayed:

"I've been praying from the depth of my anguish and resentment," (1 samuel 1:16).

Apparently she was praying so deeply and in so much anguish that the priest Eli thought she was drunk.

The story goes on, with Hannah being blessed by Eli, and eventually she does conceive and has a son. In keeping with a vow she made to the Lord, Hannah gives this child to Eli to be raised in the temple as the Lord's very own. This boy would grow up to be the great judge, Samuel.

But I want to go back to Hannah's prayer for a moment.

Anguish? Resentment?

Not two words we associate with prayer.

Hannah was praying from deep down, where it hurts.

With emotion.

With passion.

She was angry. She was hurt. She resented God. She resented her rival, Peninnah. She resented how everything seemed to be working out for everyone else, while she followed God and never received any such blessing.

I identify with that, but I don't always turn to prayer like Hannah did.

I generally turn away in those times.

I could stand to learn a lot from Hannah.

I need to learn how to pray when it hurts.

I need to learn to pray from the depth of anguish and resentment.

Wanted...

So I've finally succumbed to the pressure of my female friends and I made one of these stupid lists. I'm so sorry to everyone reading this. I promise I'm not some emo teenager that wastes all of his time thinking about girls or having a girlfriend or whatever. But, I guess this is something good to consider.

My Qualifications for a Girl

1. Christian. I think this one goes without saying. Hard to be a minister without a Christian spouse.

2. Attractive. Again, goes without saying. You want to think she's pretty.

3. A developed personal sense of style. I promise this isn't shallow as it sounds. But for me, there's just something about a girl who has taken the time to really develop her own, unique, beautiful style. It doesn't have to resemble my own, of course. I think it's just something that expresses a person's individuality, and I find that really appealing.

4. Music. I want to share a similar taste in music with my wife. I want us to be able to go to concerts together and just enjoy talking about music and listening to music and overall sharing that as an interest. Music is a huge part of my life and I want it to be a big part of hers, too.

5. Chemistry. This one's important. You know how you meet someone and you just automatically are able to play off of each other? You offset each other well? That's the kind of thing I want to happen with my wife. I've decided that there are 3 types of couples: fighters, squabblers, and then the couples that don't really fight. I'm not a person who likes confrontation. Maybe that's a weakness of mine. But I want to be a couple that doesn't fight... we're people who don't let the little things in life bother us. That's how we roll. Not that we'll never fight, but there are some people that make that a way of life. Not for me. Overall, I just want to get along with my wife really well. I want us to laugh and enjoy life together.

6. Intelligent. There is absolutely nothing better to me than an intelligent woman. Now, there are some people who are intelligent in a really cocky, standoffish way. That's not the kind of intelligent person I want to be with. But there is something incredibly sexy to me about a woman who is intelligent and well-informed, with her own independent ideas and ways of thinking.

7. Interesting. I think that it's important that you're with someone who's really interesting. I want to be with my wife and know that even when we are old, that I will still be learning more about her and her life experiences. I still want to be able to listen to her stories.

8. A best friend. Finally, I want to be with my best friend in the whole world. I want to be with a person who is my best friend in the whole world. I want to be able to share my life with her. I want to be able to talk about what's on my mind, and she'll listen. I want to be with someone where I enjoy every second that I spend with them. I think the great thing about best friends is that you don't have to spend every waking moment with them to prove your friendship. With best friends, that relationship is understood. I think the same here. Yes, of course I want to spend tons of time with her. But we understand each other's need for space and don't feel obligated to be one of those couples that spends every waking moment with each other. I want to fall in love with my best friend.

I suppose there are a ton of other things that could be on there, but I think those are the things that are really important to me. That's what I care about. We can talk about other "negotiables," but the above 8 things are things that are pretty set in stone for me. Take it or leave it. Maybe I'll be single forever. Or maybe not...

pray.

"The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective," (james 5:16).

For the longest time, this verse confused me.

It wasn't so much what it did say; I certainly believe that prayer is a powerful mechanism for change in the world.

To me, the confusing part is what it doesn't say.

What about unrighteous people? Are their prayers heard by God? Are they heard by God, but maybe not as much as those of more righteous people? Is it that God cares about the prayers of the righteous a little more? And who defines what is righteous anyway? I believe in Jesus wholeheartedly, but I wouldn't always classify myself as a righteous person. Does that mean that sometimes my prayers are powerful and effective and sometimes they are not?

Today, I heard an interesting take on James 5:16, and I've got to share it somewhere.

What if the powerfulness and effectiveness of prayer doesn't necessarily lie in who we're praying to, but simply who's praying?

As Christians, we believe in a God who is constantly working. He is continually looking for ways to bring people to himself. He's looking for ways to reconcile creation to him. He's striving to bring the world together under the banner of Christ. God wants to make our world a a better place. God wants to end social injustice and stop oppression. He wants to save people who are in trouble and those who are unfairly persecuted.

Aren't righteous people simply those people who are trying to join in with that mission?

Aren't the righteous people just those who spend their lives accomplishing the agenda of God?

When we pray, we connect ourselves with the same power who created the universe, and the same power that works in people's lives today. We are communicating with God our lives, and in some supernatural way we are connected not just with God, but in a strange, yet divine way with the things and people we are praying for.

Think about it: Aren't you sometimes the answer to your own prayer?

It doesn't make any sense to pray for God to bless those doing mission work around the world if you aren't doing anything yourself to help. It doesn't make sense to pray for those who will go to bed hungry tonight if you yourself have tons of resources but aren't working to share those with the more needy people of the world.

We have a great deal of control over what happens in our lives.

It's one thing to pray for God to do something great.

It's a totally different thing to ask God to guide and bless you as you do something great.

Maybe, ultimately, what James 5:16 is saying is not that the prayer of righteous people is effective just because it is a righteous person saying the prayer. I'm beginning to think that ultimately, James 5:16 is telling us that when we couple prayer with action, amazing things happen, because we aren't just sitting idly by, hoping for something to happen. Instead, we are joining forces with God and working to enact change in the world.

I hope that we all come to understand just how powerful prayer is.

But even more so, I hope that we all come to understand just how effective prayer is when it is coupled with our action in the world.

My Day Today

It rained today. I was very happy about that. There's just something about rain that makes me feel, well, cozy, I suppose.

Today, I suppose I spent my day doing a few things. I went to a staff meeting at church this morning, and then I participated in a speech contest. I didn't advance out of my group, though. That was really disappointing, given that I gave my best speech of the year. Oh well. Class, dinner, laundry, and then some homework time, and now I'm here in my room getting ready to go to bed soon.

I hate days like today where I don't really make a connection with anyone. It's days like today that make me wish I didn't live alone. I guess you have those from time to time though.

I also spent some time today thinking about her. I doubt she spent any thinking about me.

Sorry this sounds so depressing. I promise I'm not super depressed or anything right now.

Finally, on a totally unrelated note, I thought this was cool:

Faith.

So today I've been doing quite a bit of work on my final project for a class that I'm taking on the Psalms.

I wish I could say that the class has been extremely interesting, but it hasn't. My final project is to compose 15 pages worth of sermons on the Psalter. A preacher, I am not, but I guess I'm looking at it as an opportunity to write... or something like that.

But today I have almost finished one of my sermons. It's on the lament psalms... the psalms that cry out to God and ask for him to stand up and take action in the life of the writer. These have always been the psalms that really interested me. Number one, because I think that I can relate to that writing better than any other writing in the Bible. I mean, it doesn't take a whole lot to relate to themes of pain, abandonment, and emotional distress. I think that we've all been there before. Those themes are ones that run their course through each human heart.

But one thing I think I've come to develop a deeper appreciation for while I've been working on this project today is how the Psalms are so intensely personal. They express a faith that isn't very common in churches anymore. Psalm 13 begins with the writer saying, "God, how long will you forget me?" Psalm 22 begins with the writer asking God if he's going to forsake him and leave him to rot forever, or if he'll ever get up and do something.

That's not language you hear in churches anymore.

But I think that is the true language of faith.

Western Christianity has developed this idea that faith is something neat and tidy that fits into a nicely wrapped little box. We don't have problems, and if we do, they end up being glossed over into a new hit worship song by Chris Tomlin or David Crowder. I don't feel that many churches give people the freedom to truly express the anguish that they feel in their soul when bad things happen.

When they hear the word "cancer."

When a child dies.

When he walks out on her.

Even more so, churches don't give freedom to people to express their pain when it comes for no other reason than that they feel like God is distant and far off. That's oftentimes the most difficult pain to deal with, because there's seemingly no reason for it. It's not like there's a concrete physical circumstance that's looming overhead.

And heaven forbid that we not look spiritual by having everything put together.

But I am a firm believer that faith is messy. We don't serve a God of the cleaned up and put together. We serve a God who deals directly with pain and pained individuals. That's what our faith is all about.

When I think of faith, I think of Job. He had everything taken from him: his family, his possessions, and even his friends turned their back on him. He had nothing, and God seemed non-existent. Yet, in the midst of this, Job somehow held onto his faith until easier times came.

When I think of faith, I think of Habakkuk. He was a prophet who didn't understand why those who did evil prospered while those who did what was right always seemed to fall. It just didn't make sense. It still doesn't. As you read the book of Habakkuk, you get this sense of a man who is coming to God in deep pain. Habakkuk questions the justice of God. How could he allow such things to happen?

Heck, even Jesus demonstrated some messy faith on the cross as he questioned why God forsake him, quoting Psalm 22 in Matthew 27.

When I think of faith, I think of all the people who have ever had the courage to question God and weren't ashamed of it. I think of people who were brave enough to talk about how things don't always make sense, how following God doesn't always lead to happy endings, and how sometimes bad things really do happen to good people for no real reason at all.

When I think of faith, I think of those who aren't afraid to dive into the dirt, grime, and muck of what it means to wrestle with God. What it means to wrestle with faith.

In the Old Testament, God's chosen people were called "Israel."

What does "Israel" mean?

"He who wrestles with God."

To be one of God's chosen people means to wrestle with God. To ask the difficult questions. To go beyond Wednesday night worship services and Sunday school answers. To be one of God's chosen people means to embrace that sometimes faith is very messy and that sometimes things don't make sense.

To embrace faith is to understand that we hold the hand of the God who made it all, and to trust that somehow he is working things together in a way that we can't understand.

I want to embrace a messy faith. Will you?

Life... From Where I Stand.

So much is happening.

I'm sitting here, and looking back at the beginning of the semester, thinking of how much things have changed. It's really funny how you think that things will work out one way, and then how God totally changes your plans.

I started this semester working practically full-time at Gap; around 20-25 hours a week, plus my 19 credit hours of classes, so that's kind of crazy. However, by the grace of God, I was given a great job working at a great church in the Dayton area. I was really beginning to wonder if this whole ministry thing was for me, and I think that my job now has really grown me as a worship leader, as a minister, and just as a person. I've been forced outside of my comfort zone in a few different ways, and that has led to great growth for me.

I've also seen some relationships develop as well. I'm still amazed at the way that I get along with my parents. We had a few awkward years where our relationship was sort of transitioning from parents to friends. But now, I think our relationship is better than ever. I'm beginning to feel the freedom to open up to my parents and share with them what's happening and what's on my mind. I'm even just amazed at myself; I remember walking into school last year and feeling so "in between;" I was in a real transition phase with my life and I didn't really know what to do.

I've seen my relationship with both of my friends Ami and C.J. develop. I am very thankful for them each day, and while I do not see them as often anymore, I have been thankful to see my relationship with them develop. It's also been great to see their relationship with each other to develop as a married couple. I've also formed some stronger friendships with other people. My friend Mikaila who goes to Xavier has become a good friend of mine, and I pray that God continues to develop our friendship with each other more in the future. I've also become better friends with people here on campus like Stephen, and I've even befriended a few new students here at CCU like Josh T., Josh C., Sarah Brown, Alec, Eddie, Eric, Crystal, Mackenzie and the like. This all goes without mentioning my newfound friends at Southwest; people like Scott and Sherry, Deb O'Keefe, Boomer and Lara, the Garlands, etc.

As I look ahead to the future, I'm excited about what lies ahead. Here at school, I've taken a position as Campus Worship Minister, overseeing all activities related to worship at chapel, and even being the primary instructor for a few of the worship classes at CCU. I'm receiving a 12 hour scholarship, which is also pretty awesome. At Southwest, the church continues to grow, and I feel absolutely sure in saying that I have nothing to do with it; it is all a God thing. I pray that he continues to grow our church as we continue on in 2009.

I am still single. That's a battle I fight every day. I really admire people like my friend Brent who embrace that. I wish I could be like him, but I'm not. That's just not how I'm wired I guess. However, I do feel that in the past year I have made some significant growth as a person. Relationships and commitments don't scare me anymore, assuming that it's with the right person. For the first time in a long time I don't feel that I would compromise on the things that I want in another person just to be in a relationship. While I'm still waiting and still going through my share of heartache and hardship, I do feel like a healthier person in this aspect this year, and that's something to be excited about I suppose.

Most of all, though, I pray that God makes me a purer, more loving person. I think that I echo the words of David in Psalm 51 when I ask for God to create in me a clean heart.

A Consideration.

Well, perhaps you haven't heard, but our nation elected a new president last night.

And I think that the majority of Christians around the nation are cowering in their little fundamentalist caves, wondering what will happen next. Judging from what people like Pat Robertson and James Dobson tell me, apparently I should be waiting for our economy to collapse, mass murder and chaos to overtake our land, and the reign of the antichrist to be ushered in. I can't tell you how many places I've seen or heard the phrase "This is a horrible time for America" uttered by Christians.

I, for one, am not buying it. In fact, I want to challenge my Christian brothers and sisters to take a different outlook.

Here's the thing. I'm a Christian. I'm not a Republican. I'm not a Democrat, either. I tend to side with Democrats on fiscal issues, and Republicans on more ethical ones. I've taken about 3 different kinds of political tests, and on each one, I score right in the middle.

I'm a moderate. I don't have any political ax to grind. I am not thrilled with Obama. He's inexperienced. He has some very liberal stances on some issues that I do not agree with. That being said, I don't like John McCain, either. I'm not convinced he would have offered the change that our country needs, and I think that he lacks the sense of unifying leadership our government needs right now. And while I like Sarah Palin as a person, I think she was a horribly irresponsible choice for the office of vice president.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that I'm not really "in bed" with any political figure.

Church, let me approach you with this idea. Perhaps Barack Obama is the man that God wants to lead our nation right now.

Have you ever considered that?

I know that he doesn't serve God's party, the Republicans (hope you're catching the sarcasm here), but consider this. God certainly could have made a miracle occur if he really wanted to. I mean, he's defeated armies, struck down people, resurrected the dead... I don't think deciding an election would be too hard for him. Yet, we still have Barack Obama set to lead our nation for the next 4 years, and the fact remains that this is the leader that God has allowed to be in charge of our country for the next term.

Now don't get me wrong. I don't in any way think that Barack Obama is this new Messiah-like figure that some make him out to be. Without sounding too corny, my hope isn't in Obama; my hope is in Jesus.

Ancient Israel was led by many men who were much worse than Barack Obama. Ahab and his wife Jezebel prohibited Israelites from worshipping God throughout their reign. People like Athaliah were horrible and awful leaders who did a lot of negative things. Yet, God still chose to weave history across and through the path of these individuals.

In the early church, Christians were pretty much all part of the Roman Empire. I don't know if you've done much study on the Roman Empire, but it was ruled by some horrible, awful people. Emperor Nero burned Christians, and Domitian led a state-sponsored crusade against Christians. Yet, both Paul (Romans) and Peter (1 Peter) had the courage to ask believers in their letters to submit to the governing authorities. I'm sure that both Paul and Peter had some problems with the policies of their government (Who doesn't?). Yet, the fact remains that they still were loyal to those leaders ruling over them (provided their loyalty to Christ didn't conflict with their loyalty to government), even if these people weren't holier-than-thou Bible-thumping Christians.

So yes, you may hate that Barack Obama is a pro-choice president. But I would come back with the idea that maybe it's time for the church to step up and evangelize the world around us, allowing issues like abortion to take care of themselves.

The fact remains that Barack is the person God has allowed to be the leader of our country at this time. And I think that regardless of your political party, your allegiance to Christ means that you should lovingly support President Obama with all you've got.

Something to consider.

Well, a few things have happened since the last time I posted here.

First things first, I got a new job as Worship Arts Minister at Southwest Church in Springboro, Ohio. I think this is going to be a great opportunity for me, but I won't lie. I'm a little overwhelmed as I take over this ministry and attempt to hit the ground running with everything here. I guess we'll see what happens as time goes on, but I'm psyched. Everyone seems really great, and I'm looking forward to forming some new relationships and getting to know everybody.

And of course, I'm freaking excited to make some music and worship with folks, too.

Secondly, I picked up the new Hillsong CD ("This Is Our God"). I can't say I'm loving it, but I do love the title track. It's gotten me thinking about the themes of sacrifice and service. I'm trying my best to draw inspiration from that as I begin this new ministry and as I attempt to live out the Christian life. The song proclaims Jesus as the servant and king who rescued the world; this is our God.

What an amazing thought.

Our God was King, yet chose to be a servant. He poured out his love for all. Because at his core, our God is one who gives all he has to love, restore, and redeem his children.

This is our God.

Hotel Rwanda

So I just finished watching "Hotel Rwanda" in my room this evening. I've seen the movie before, but I hadn't watched it in probably at least 2 years.

What a powerful film.

I just cannot live with a world in which people are allowed simply to rape, beat or kill one another because of the color of their skin, their heritage, their family tree or their political and religious beliefs. This is unacceptable, and I cannot comprehend that this is happening.

But for me, one of the most powerful moments in the movie comes toward the beginning. Don Cheadle's character plays a hotel manager, and he is discussing with a cameraman who has been sent from a network news channel to cover the genocide in Rwanda. This cameraman has just recorded horrible, gruesome footage of Hutu rebels killing and maiming people. They're sending it home, hoping to get it on the evening news. Cheadle's character thanks the cameraman for recording the footage; he believes it will impact people and raise awareness. The cameraman responds by saying that he doesn't believe it will make any difference; people will watch the footage, say "Oh, that's horrible," and then go right on eating their dinner. Cheadle's character cannot understand, and says one line that really cut at me:

"How can people not act when they see what is happening?"

I cannot live with a world in which people do horrible things everyday like child prostitution, human trafficking and slavery, and mass genocide.

But even more so, I cannot live in a world where people simply allow this to happen.

Someone once said that all that is needed for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing. That person was incredibly right. And I would venture to say that Jesus would tell us that if we know of these atrocities and do nothing about them, then we are just as bad as the people committing these crimes.

The most frequently issued command in the Bible is for us to take care of the poor, widowed, orphaned, and disenfranchised around us. I believe it is about time that we start doing that.

God, where there is injustice, suffering, chaos and incredible atrocities, may you be there. May you be there, standing for the rights of these people, hurting when they hurt, crying when they cry, and comforting them in times of great grief and trial. And Lord, may your church never rest until we have ended these incredible evils.

The Rennovation of the Heart

Today was a good day. Not a super interesting one by any means, but still a good one.

I hate homework so much, but it was 10:30 and the sun was shining and I couldn't go back to bed, so I picked up my book for Church Growth & Planting, did a few chapters, and then went to brunch (which was actually very good, by the way). I came back to the room with the intent to do some more homework, only to be distracted by a couple episodes of Project Runway.

Of course, since it's Bravo, they reshow the same episodes from the season over and over again. This time, they showed the photo-inspiration one and the USA Olympic team one. As I was watching, I was reminded about how glad I am that Keith Bryce is gone. Seriously. I mean, what a whiny, complainy, wuss of a person. I could put up with that if he was a halfway-decent designer, but still. I am glad he's gone. And though he at first annoyed me, I am starting to like Suede. He's so over the top... you've gotta love it. But I'd still have to say my favorite designer is a toss-up between Leanne and Kator (not sure how you spell it!) though. Both are quite talented. There's still just no stand-out in the group this year, though. I'm a little disappointed.

Anyway, from there, off to C.J.'s church since I'm playing in the band for him this weekend. I suppose that was fine, but I have two issues. Number one, while the drive is beautiful and lovely, and for the most part I like the people at C.J.'s church, it is still a 45 minute drive. I think I needed to choke back tears tonight as I mourned for the gas pouring out of my tank. Also, their sound man drives me crazy. He's just so... weird. I guess I should try to make a better effort instead of judging him like the weak little seventh-grader that I am inside, but still. I just don't get it sometimes.

My evening finished up with an unexpected visit to C.J. and Ami's apartment for dinner, at Ami's invitation. I love those two so much. And the great thing is that they are just as wonderful together as they are separately. They complement each other well, and marriage is working out very nicely for them. It always makes me happy when I'm able to spend time together with them. I just wish I wasn't the 3rd wheel though. That's never a pleasant thing. Of course, neither is trying to pry C.J. away from his "Time" magazine, or the Ohio State loss this evening. I guess some things you just have to tough out.

And recently, I'm (re)discovering that I'm not as great a Christian as I like to think that I am. Oh well, such is life. I've noticed that really since high school, my walk with Jesus has kind of stagnated in a way, but not because I've quit attending church or anything like that. Granted, I could definitely do a better job of commiting myself to prayer and to studying the Bible (kind of ironic, seeing as how I do carry a Biblical Studies major), but (not to sound arrogant) I think I'm at a point where I know enough about the Bible. My problem isn't knowing, and most of the time, it isn't doing, either. My problem is being. I struggle with the attitudes of the heart. Things on the outside are for the most part good. But I struggle with grace. Kindness. Truthfulness. My favorite... pure motives.

I think I have stagnated a lot because I have just now realized I'm at a point in my faith where God is ready for me to undertake the more difficult work of rennovating the heart. And that is challenging. Yet, I believe in the end, it will be rewarding. The first place I'm going to start is with trust and generosity. I'm going to tithe tomorrow... a whopping $10.40, but nevertheless, 10% of my last paycheck. It's the first time I'll tithe in over a year. We'll see where this goes...

Sorry this was boring, but hey. They can't all be super interesting.

Until next time...

Embrace.

I'm learning that I have limits. I suppose that we all do.

Today I made a stunning realization: I can't imagine being free of wanting, wishing, and hoping things were different. And that's a little scary.

I spend so much of my time wishing for my life to be different. I wish I was good looking like this person, or popular like him, or in love like them. I waste so much time wishing, waiting, and hoping for things to be different that I miss the chance to be myself.

Slowly, I must learn that some people are just better looking, have more talent, more money, or more popularity. Sometimes things work out for one person, and not others.

I need to learn to embrace who I am. My history. My circumstances. My talents. My abilities.

And I need to learn to be happy with that, because this is the lot that God has chosen to give me. All I can do is pursue doing the things that I have been called to do, and be satisfied with that.

But that attitude seems so far away.

But yet, it's getting a little closer by the second.

Consider this...

"Mighty waters cannot extinguish love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If a man were to give all his wealth for love, it would be utterly scorned," (Song of Songs 8:7).

Until next time...

Well, things have finally calmed down a little bit, and I suppose I have some time to update this now...

School has been in session for two weeks now. In some ways it seems that it's just started, and in others, it feels like it's been so much longer. Classes have started off well. I can't say enough how happy I am with my schedule and all that I'll be doing this year. I have a decent-sized course load, but definitely something I can handle fairly easily, and definitely a lot less than last year.

Last year. Ugh. Let's not talk about that.

Gap in Cincy is working out well, too. We have a new store manager, so I was a little apprehensive about working with a new person. However, she's been really good to me as far as scheduling and such goes, so that's great. I've actually worked every single day I've been available since coming back into Cincinnati, which is great, beacuse I definitely could use the money. It's also been great, because the way things are working out, I'm getting a lot of shorter 4.5/5 hour shifts, which still allot me some time for a social life, which is great.

And speaking of Gap, I came in this evening to visit my friend Mikaiala, who's now back to school at Xavier after a summer in California. I didn't realize how much I missed her this summer. She's a really cool person and I look forward to seeing her again and hopefully hanging out with her more this semester. I know it was really great to get to see her for a few minutes this evening and catch up a little bit on life and such. She got into the prenatal/neonatal program for nursing at Xavier, which is awesome because I know she talked about that last year, so that's really awesome that she gets to do what she wants!

I also got an e-mail from a minister of a church near Dayton earlier this week asking if I'd be willing to consider interviewing for a worship minister position at his church. It's just so weird because taking a ministry position was totally off of my radar. Ever since my experience with South Side and then the ministry I oversee at Madison, I've never really considered getting back into some sort of church position until after graduation. Getting this e-mail was a total eye opener for me, at least.

South Side was such a miserable experience; from day one, it was an uphill battle dealing with people's schedules, a lack of support from the church, and just overall disrespect for me as a person and as a minister of the gospel. I cannot express how much that experience crushed me emotionally and spiritually. A lot of my disdain and hate for churches in general stems from that one church and how I was treated there.

I can't go through another experience like that again. I am so horrible with conflict. I hate dealing with disgruntled, disrespectful people. I think that if another South Side-esque experience were to happen to me, I would just have a nervous breakdown and probably never consider ministry again. I think for that reason, I have shyed away from so many opportunities.

Madison is a great place. I know and love the people. I get a lot of freedom to do what I want, without the responsibility of being the final point person. I think for me, the great thing about Madison is that it is safe. Yeah, I don't really get compensated or anything, but I don't have to worry about many of the tough parts of ministry. I don't have to deal with any real conflict.

So when I initially was contacted about this opportunity, I basically kind of said, "Oh, that's nice, but not for me." Yet, as I continued on with my life this week, I just wasn't able to let go of this opportunity, though I tried. Something about it just kept following me around. I guess that's the pull of the Holy Spirit. And because I believe that this pull is from the Holy Spirit, I've decided to apply for the position despite my fears and concerns. I'll see what happens.

But overall, life is great. I'm really excited for what is in store.

Until next time,
wb

What Lies Ahead.

Well, I can't believe it, but the beginning of school is finally here.

This weekend I'll be packing up all my belongings and moving back to Cincinnati for the next few months. I truly feel like it was not but a few weeks ago that I was in Cincinnati helping C.J. move into his new apartment and I was moving into Brad's. And I can still remember how happy I was when I finally moved back home to Columbus... no longer would I be living out of boxes and such. But alas, now I am preparing to move back again.

I am both excited and anxious about what this upcoming semester holds. A lot has happened over the summer. C.J. and Ami have tied the knot, as have Tyler and Caitlin, Scott (my old roommate) and Sara, as well as Erin, one of my friends from high school. Certainly, this phenomenon will not stop as the year carries on... I'm entering my junior year in Bible college, and like it or not, that means that with each passing month, someone new will be getting engaged, married, or at least dating seriously. I suppose I should expect change in that area of my life.

Summer for me personally has been a really different experience. I entered summer telling myself that I would not hold back, but that I would jump in and get involved in a lot of different things. I promised myself that I wouldn't just sit around and do nothing like I do every summer. For the most part, I feel like I've come through on that goal. I've typically been working at least 4, usually 5 or 6 days a week, so I've been involved there. I've even walked away making some nice new acquaintances. I started teaching class on Sunday morning for high schoolers at church... we've been going through the Gospels. More than studying with these kids, it's been cool to form some new relationships with these kids and to get to know them a little more personally. I even got to go to CIY this summer as a sponsor, and that was really awesome. Getting to know all of the kids was great. Somewhere in there, I found time to spend with friends, which has also been really nice. Generally, I feel pretty out of place back home seeing that I'm only here on a very minimal basis throughout the year. Getting plugged in again was nice.

In many ways I feel as if I am maturing as a person. I find myself longing to be living on my own, having friends over and just enjoying life. I can't wait to turn 21 and enjoy a nice glass of wine as I wind down the day every now and then. Yet, in many ways, I'm still so young. I'm not ready to decide what I want to do with my life yet. I still feel very young in my faith; I feel extremely unworthy to guide other people into spiritual maturity when I still feel so far from that ideal myself. All in all, though, I suppose that this is what these years are all about.

I'm very excited about this upcoming few months. I love my schedule for school. Class 9-12 and 1:30-2:45 on Monday and Wednesday (9-12 only on Fridays), and then no class until 3:30 on Tuesday. I don't even have class Thursdays, which will be awesome. To boot, I'm only carrying 19 credit hours this semester (compared to 24 last semester, plus an international trip and weekend long tour of the midwest), and only 16 of those are actually during the semester. I also feel like I've gotten a work schedule which allows me to work enough hours to support myself, while at the same time allowing me time to have a social life and be with those that I love. I'm also feeling less pressure to be at work all the time, and I'm a little more open to taking some time off to live my life and make my world a little less stressful.

At the same time, I'm also a little anxious about a few things. I'm going to be carrying a little bit of debt into the beginning of next semester. I hope that I can be responsible, dig myself out, and take care of that situation. I was very dissatisfied with work last semester... I never felt that I got good hours, and I also felt a little disrespected. I'm a good employee and a hard worker, and I just don't feel that my managers ever recognized that, and didn't give me the treatment that I deserved. I hope that both of those things change this year.

I'll be living alone this year, and while in some ways that's going to be nice, I also anticipate that being difficult. I am a person who makes friends easily, but I do not make close friends easily at all. Any close friends I have are generally those who are made in spite of me, not because of me. I struggle to get myself plugged into community, and I hope that this year I can learn how to reach out to those around me, instead of choosing to be lonely or depressed. I'm still going to be doing worship for church in Columbus 2 weekends a month, and that's a big, time-consuming committment. I'm feeling kind of burnt out with that right now, and there were points last semester where I was ready to quit. I need strength and perseverance to continue.

Overall, I'm looking forward to what the next semester has in store. Last year was a difficult year of growth for me. I'm praying that this year will be a little easier. Here's to new friendships, more joy, and great experiences in the months that lie ahead.

Until next time...

Dare.

So one of the stories of my Christian life is how bad I am at doing Christian things.

The most notable of these "things" concerns the areas of both prayer and reading Scripture.

Recently, while in Illinois, I decided that it would be a cool idea if I read through the first five books of the Old Testament (called the "Torah"). I don't know why this has always been a goal of mine, but there's just something about Old Testament Law that gets my blood pumping. Nothing's better than reading about how a woman is to properly clean up after her menstural period or rules on what to do if your donkey knocks over your neighbor's barrel of grain.

But as with all things I set out to do, my enthusiasm surely fades. My quest to read the entire Torah ended after about 3 chapters. Okay, more like 2 and a half. I didn't even start at the beginning; I started with the last book (Deuteronomy) simply because in my attempts to read before, I'd never gotten that far, so I figured I'd give it a shot.

And while I may have failed, I was reminded of a story, and I looked at it in an entirely new light. It's the story of Israel's possession of the land of Canaan.

Deuteronomy begins with basically a re-hashing of what's gone on in the history of the Israelites. God wants to remind them of how they were once slaves in Egypt. They experienced the pinnacle of oppression. However, in the midst of this, God heard the cries of his people and delivered them. He sent Moses as a spokesperson for the people, and after a series of mighty plagues, the Israelites were finally set free from captivity. A parted Red Sea and destroyed Egyptian army later, Moses and the Israelites were camped just outside of Canaan, the "Promised Land."

At this point, the Israelites devise a plan. They want to select a group to go into Canaan and act as spies. These men will take a look at the land, and see its benefits. They will also investigate the cities, and the best possible routes of attack and escape and so on. Basically, they will see what they are up against. Moses thinks this is a good idea and picks 12 men to go.

When these men arrive back in Israelite camp, they all come back raving about the land. It's amazing. The land is fertile; it would be a beautiful place to settle and start their country. They also come back talking about the people. They are big and fierce. They are warriors. Two of the spies believe that Israel should invade; God has promised to deliver them, and this land is ripe for the taking! The other 10 say that while the land is great, the risk is too dangerous. Israel should not invade, in spite of God's promise to be with them.

If you continue reading, you discover that Israel does not invade, and is instead punished. God will no longer fight with them, making any attempt for them to take the land now futile. Instead, they must wander around in the wilderness, waiting for God to be with them (which would take 40 years). This seems harsh, but hey, after seeing the amazing plagues in Egypt, I don't think that military victory is much of a far stretch, and the Israelites should know this. Even more, the Israelites make God out to be a ferociously deceptive liar. I mean, what a tease to lead them so far only to allow them to be conquered at the very end. I can kind of empathize with God's feelings a little on this one.

But my point is this:

We are Israel.

How many times do we refuse to claim what God has promised us?

The Christian life is a journey. It has its highs and lows, ups and downs. But through it all, we believe in a God who leads us, guides us, and wants to give us the best of what he has to offer. So many times, God places something incredible and amazing before us, yet we don't receive it because (like the Israelites) we don't have the courage to act.

I am not a proponent of "name it and claim it" theology where we ask God for anything and everything under the sun and expect to get it just because we asked for it. I do, however, believe that God wants to give his children amazing and awesome things. Yet, he seldom ever just gives them to us. We have to work for them.

God will do his part. He will make a way, and he will continue to provide opportunities and chances to recognize whatever this awesome thing is that he has set out before you. But the thing is that we must have the courage to act. God doesn't allow us to simply stand idly by, hoping, wishing, and waiting for something to happen. He wants us to take the leap of faith and trust that along the way, he will make it happen.

I always had a love/hate relationship with high school dances. I loved them because it was a good time. You got to go out to dinner with friends and then you got to dance and stay out late with everyone else. Those were good times.

But I hated these dances because they required one thing: a partner. As a guy, you had to ask someone to go with you. And if you know anything about me and the ladies, you know that taking the initiative and asking a girl out happens for me about as often as Pat Robertson makes a decision to be kind, caring, and non-hypocritical (so like, once every seven years or so). Even if you chose to fly solo, you had to have a partner for some of the dances. So at that point, you had to make the dreaded walk across the room and ask someone. I think I just peed my pants thinking about it.

The reward is there. But it is risky. It requires you to man up and act. And just like asking a girl to dance, God calls us to a similar type of risk. You see, the Israelites didn't fail in their recognition that the road before them was tough. Their failure lied in their inability to have the courage to act.

So my questions to you are simple:

What is your "Promised Land?" What has God placed before you?

Will you cower away? Will you act?

I don't want to spend my life thinking of what could've been if I'd only had the courage to move.

Community.

What a crazy weekend. I can't believe that it happened.

Since Thursday, I've been in Springfield, Illinois for my roommate and best friends' wedding. Yesterday, I had the opportunity to be best man in said wedding and I got to watch firsthand as Ami and C.J. both agreed before each other and God to love one another in sickness and in health, in joy and in pain. It was truly wonderful and I am so happy that these two have finally taken the plunge together. I can't wait to watch them start their new life together.

I still can't believe that it happened.

Right now, though, I'm torn over the whole thing. I feel awful because saying this is so selfish and narcissistic, but this whole experience has been extremely bittersweet for me. It brings me a great deal of joy to see two people whom I love so much to be united together in marriage. On the other hand, it brings me a great deal of pain to know that in a sense, I am kissing our friendship goodbye. I pray to God that we will all remain great friends throughout the years, but at the same time I also recognize that the friendship we once had is forever altered. Never again will I talk with C.J. in our dorm room at 2 am about politics, faith, or just everyday stuff. Ami will no longer just be hanging out around campus, always able to drop something and talk when I need to. And that's certainly not wrong... their priorities are different now (and rightfully so). They have to concentrate on loving each other and soon taking care of a family and ministry and school and (one day!) kids and the list goes on.

Again, it's so horribly selfish and narcissistic to just spin this around and talk about myself, but I can't help but feel really disconnected at this moment. For the time being, I have said goodbye to a friendship with two people that has become a bedrock in my life, and I'm certain that it will take a little while for us to figure out this new situation.

I just lack connection with anyone in my life right now. I'm discovering more than ever that I am friends with about a million people, yet I am not truly connected with a single one of them. I have discovered that it is very possible for me to be surrounded by many people whom I know and love, yet feel completely alone. At school, I just don't really feel as if I fit in with any person or particular group of people. Here at home I have a lot of memories and a lot of great friends whom I have shared years and years of my life with, but the fact remains that there is only so much connection that I can make with these people considering that I only spend about 4 months of the year here (and most of that is spent working). Even then, things at home have changed so much over the past 2 years since I've went to college that I think I can barely even label it home anymore.

This disconnect really, really bothers me. Loneliness really bothers me, and it's something that I think I've carried around my entire life. Last night as the wedding reception was coming to a close, I looked across the room and saw Ami and C.J. together... again, a very bittersweet moment. It made me really happy inside to see them with each other, but it also made me very sad because I knew that things would never be the same. When I finally retired for the evening, I laid in my bed and my mind was racing because at that moment I made this grand realization that I am so disconnected from everyone in my life right now. In a way, I feel that I have no one, and that is an extremely scary and unpleasant feeling. It's a feeling that I carried with me today on the ride all the way back home to Columbus.

But after thinking and praying about this, I've come to a few conclusions. Number one is that I am loved. Obviously, I am loved by God... we all are. But beyond that, I have a lot of people around me that love me. I have people at school like Michael, Marissa, Vicki, Brandon, Lindsay, Katie, Brad, Jeff, and Tyler (in addition to Ami and C.J.) who really care about me. Here at home I've got Marshall, Brent, David, Justin Olson, Bill, the Danec family, Nate, Ciara, Amanda, Jason, and my family. Sometimes I think I fall into the trap of thinking that these people don't care.

Secondly, I've concluded that a lot of the reason why I am not connected lies with myself. Being truly connected with people requires that you don't hold back, but that you share. If I am honest with myself, I do not share much of my life with anyone at all. There are a lot of thoughts, feelings, and desires that I keep completely hidden from everyone around me. I think a lot of this hinges on a really faulty understanding of my own self-worth. God believes that as persons, we have infinite value and worth. Somewhere along the line, though, I bought into this myth that I don't matter. At some point I decided that how I think and feel doesn't mean anything. This is all simply untrue. What I think and believe does mean something because I am a person created in God's own image. I have worth and importance. It isn't selfish of me to on occassion demand that people spend time with me, listen to how I'm feeling or doing, and acutally care. This is the way that it's supposed to be.

Yet, if I do not share, people never have the opportunity. Sharing is difficult. Bearing your soul is not easy. But after thought, prayer, and deliberation, I really believe that God is teaching me that I need to fill my life with more conversations about stuff that is of true emotional, spiritual, and mental importance to me, and less about shallow things. This is not going to be easy. But I really truly believe that as Christians, God wants us to bear one another's burdens. This means that we must share these burdens with others, instead of always choosing to bear them ourselves.

This all is very intimidating and difficult to me. However, no one ever said that this would be easy. Phillipians 1:6 gives me hope to cling to this idea that God isn't done with me. Instead, he is always working, and he will not leave me unfinished. Instead, he wants me to become a whole person, filled with peace in place of depression; hope instead of despair; true community in the face of loneliness.

And God willing, may that happen.

Until next time.

Where I Am.

I just don't know why I am like this sometimes.

I get in these moods... I say that I start thinking a lot, but really, that ends up being a code word for "I'm getting depressed." Half the time I don't even really understand what triggers it, or why I feel this way. Maybe I have guy PMS. But there just seems to be a lot of issues floating around on my mind and in my heart.

I work tomorrow from 11 to 4. I don't want to go to work tomorrow. It's a Saturday. I'll be bombarded with constant demands and requests from pushy, cheap customers. My boss will probably be pressuring me to open up a GapCard for someone, as if my worth as a person depended on it. My shift will be full of menial tasks like folding clothes, arguing with customers over the price of items, and overall, just learning to cope with rude personality quirks of customers.

I think that I'm really burnt out right now. I need a break from my job. I need some time to do nothing... just to be. But that time isn't coming anytime soon. I'm working every day from Saturday through Wednesday, and then early in the morning on Thursday, I'll be taking off for my best friends' wedding in Illinois. After that's over, I'll be coming back to this lovely world of mine... full of hours spent at a job that I don't really like right now, and full of stress, loneliness, and just disappointment in this thing that I call my life right now.

After work I'll be heading over to church to lead a praise team practice. I just don't really have that in me right now. I used to love doing it so much, but now doing praise team just fills me with worry and with stress. What if someone doesn't show up? What if something goes wrong? I don't have the energy to even really focus or concentrate on it right now, and I'm not really sure why. It's just not as fulfilling now as it once was, and I don't really understand why.

I just want to not be alone. It's amazing how you can be surrounded by so many people that call you "friend," yet feel so desperately and utterly alone. I strive so much to give and be the best friend to everyone that I possibly can be. Yet, this never seems to be given back to me in return. And the fact is, I don't really fit in anywhere. I'm not a cool jock-type person like Justin. I'm not in the whole group with Ciara and Amanda. I'm not really a cool college kid like Brent, and I'm not married like Jason and Andrea or C.J. and Ami. I'm not even close to dating or seeing anyone, so I'm resigned to always being the 3rd wheel, and that's a role that I got tired of playing a long time ago.

I'm tired of being the puzzle piece that doesn't really fit anywhere. I want to find my home.

I'm sure that a lot of this is just emotion speaking, but I know deep down that a lot of it isn't, either. And knowing myself, I'll end up doing what I always do... stuffing it deep down inside where I don't have to deal with it or (heaven forbid) let anyone see it. I believe that life is meant to be lived in community, but the sad and true fact is that when the crap hits the fan, I'm left standing in a community of one: me.

A lot of times I find myself so desperately longing to not be single anymore. And yeah, while all the stuff that goes along with dating someone is great, I think for me, it's more this knowledge of knowing that I am not alone. No matter what, I have someone who cares for me and supports me and will be willing to talk to me about what's bothering me and what's on my mind. I'll finally have at least one place where I fit. And sure enough, I project this magical ideal onto every person that I meet, and they always fall short. Let's face it; that's a lot of responsibility for someone to carry.

Rejection is such an ugly thing to carry. I've been on the receiving end of that more than enough times, and every time, it gets more and more difficult. But even worse is this knowledge that each time, I think a little layer is added on. It gets a little more difficult to love, for love requires vulnerability. And let's face it; rejection and vulnerability are two things that don't go together.

I remember a few months ago I was helping my friends C.J. and Ami move into their new apartment. It was the end of the school year, and I had been working on moving a lot of my stuff out too. I was tired. Yet, I still went over to their place because I love them, but also because they finally had a place of their own. Moving in was kinda symbolic of them starting their new life together. C.J. had a meeting at work, and so Ami and I went out to dinner together.

Recently, I'd went out with a girl from school on a date, and I thought it went really well. We both had a great time. But each day it was becoming more and more apparent that she didn't like me as anything more than a friend... the story of my life. Ami asked me to share about what was going on with that whole relationship, and so I did. And the thing was that it wasn't so much that this particular relationship didn't work out; it was simply the pain of having yet another thing tossed onto my garbage pile of rejection.

Tears were starting to fall from my eyes as I shared with Ami how frustrated I was. I told her how sick and tired I was of being just friends with everyone. I wanted more. Dare I say that I deserve more. I told Ami that I was beginning to get to the point where I was ready to give up on love altogether. Everytime I get burned, and it seems like each time is even more painful than the last. Why even try?

I'm sure that Ami saw my pain, though I tried to mask it as best as I could. And she told me simply that that is what makes me beautiful. In the face of rejection, I continue trying. Plenty of people give up on love, and that is so difficult to see. They err on one of two extremes: either they shut themselves off from everyone completely, or they begin to use others as a pawn in their little game. They strive simply for physical stuff that has the outward appearance of love, but yet never makes a connection in the heart. She told me to keep trying, keep hoping, and above all, to never stop loving.

1 Corinthians 13 tells us that love never fails. I have to confess that at this point in my life, I'm struggling to believe that. But I read something that echoed what Ami had to say the other day, and I must say that it really struck me:

Maybe you're in the wake of a relationship that fell apart. You have to dig those moments up. The parts that hurt and the awkward conversations and the anger and the failure and the misunderstanding and the betrayal. You have to dig them up and acknowledge them or you are never going to heal.

The danger is that you will decide it isn't worth it. Why risk if it's going to hurt like this? The tragedy would be for you to shut down, to allow a wall to be built around your heart, and for something within you to die.

A decision not to risk again is a decision not to love again. They go together.

And so I guess that somewhere deep down inside, I'm going to dig up the strength to love again, despite my failures, despite my rejection, and despite my greatest fears. Jason has already taken the steps to fix me up with Bethani... maybe I'll talk to him about that after all.

This entry was so depressing, yet I feel a lot better. If you read it, hats off to you.

Until next time.

Introductory Matters.

Okay, so my name is Wesley.

Nice to meet you.

I'm a 20 year old college student at Cincinnati Christian University, majoring in worship ministries. For those of you who are not familiar (it's okay... there's no shame), basically that means that I want to find a way to fuse my passions for music and Jesus together, and then do something with that. Now if I could only find people who were dumb enough to pay me for that, then we'd be going places.

If you haven't already figured out, I am a Christian, and have been one for about 6 years now. I could enter in some cheezy, corny Christian line right here, but that's not how I roll. My faith is a part of me, and in many ways defines who I am. It influences my convictions, my ideas, and the way that I live my life. I'm always open for a little bit of discussion on that, so feel free. I pride myself on being a person who refuses to buy into this whole judgmental Christian thing. I do my best, but that's no promise that I'll ever be perfect. Just know that I'm trying.

I love to talk. I try to be open and honest. I love to meet new people. I like making friends.

I love music. Death Cab for Cutie is my favorite band, so fellow Death Cab fans, this is your place. I'll start the discussion by saying that I think the song "Your New Twin Sized Bed" is some of the most clever songwriting I've heard in a while. Other favorites include Sigur Ros (everybody's favorite Icelandic post-rock band), Coldplay, Mae, Copeland, Lovedrug, and many others.

To be totally honest here, I have no idea why I made this little blog. I've got one on facebook, one on myspace, and I'll even confess that I do have a xanga still (though I don't think I've really updated it in forever). I guess I want to make this a place for me to share about what's happening in my life. Maybe I'll share some thoughts on faith. Maybe every once in a while I'll actually write something that makes sense and that is something other people can identify with too. Who knows. But I'd encourage you to keep reading. I'd love to meet you.

I'd love for you to share your story.

Well, I guess that's all I've got for now. I know this was very exciting reading.

Until next time.