Today centered around Psalm 63. We heard it once before the message, once during the message, and said it together after the message. The psalm was written with a lot of passion; David writes that he earnestly seeks after God, like a man who is parched in a desert with no water. That's some pretty desperate, longing, intense imagery. He writes that God's love for him is better than life, and that when he lies awake on his bed at night, he still thinks about God.
This psalm paints the picture of a love that is intense. David really does love the Lord, big time. And as I listened and read that psalm today, I had to ask myself the question, "Does that accurately describe me?" I do feel spiritually parched quite often. I long for God, but not enough to take any action, unlike David, which is a problem. I think that if I'm honest, I probably don't spend enough time searching after God, desiring to know Him. There are a lot of nights where I lie in bed thinking about all I have to do tomorrow, or how I hate that I need to get up so early, or whatever, but I'm certainly not thinking about my relationship with God. I know and trust that God's love is better than life, but do my actions demonstrate that I really believe that? If I truly believed that to love and be loved by God was the greatest thing ever, I would probably be chasing after a whole lot of different things than I am right now.
The other thing I walked away with today was that worship always costs something. This is something I know, but was also something that I really needed to be reminded of, and definitely something that I need to practice better. In the Bible, the first use of the word "worship" comes in Genesis 22:5, with Abraham. God tests Abraham by asking him to sacrifice his only son. Abraham is prepared to do so, understanding fully that worshipping God was going to cost him something.
A lot of something, in fact.
In 2 Samuel 24, David has just engaged in the evil act of pride, and God is now punishing Israel as a result of David's unjust actions. Yet, in the midst of the calamity, God had mercy on Israel and put a stop to His punishment. Out of thankfulness and gratitude, David built an altar at the home of a guy named Araunah, for that is where God's punishment stopped. Araunah wants to give David all the stuff (the land, the supplies, the altar) for free since he is the king, but David refuses. His reason? He will not give to the Lord something that costs him nothing.
I hate the fact that worship requires sacrifice. I understand why it does, and that makes sense to me. But I hate the fact that my loving God always requires sacrifice, because, simply put, sacrifice is tough. Being a follower of Christ means that I sacrifice living a certain, sinful kind of lifestyle. Worshipping God means that even when I feel like stuff in my life is going crappy, that I have to suck it up and worship God anyway, because He alone is worthy and deserving.
A song I've been thinking about a lot recently is a song by Hillsong called "For Who You Are." The whole chorus of the song is simply the words, "I will worship You for who You are," which I think is right on. My worship of God should not be contingent on things going well in my life, on me being in a good mood, or me even feeling like it. My worship solely hinges on the fact that God alone is worthy and deserving. No matter what happens in my life, nothing can change the fact that God is truth, love, justice, beauty, grace, forgiveness, joy, and goodness in their purest forms.
And nothing can change the fact that about 2,000 years ago, God died so that I didn't have to face death in eternity. No matter what my mood is, that should always call me to worship.
So to wrap up, today we were asked to compose our own psalm to God as a next step. Here's mine:
Lord, I love You.
Even when I do a crappy job of showing it, I still love You.
Lord, I ask for Your forgiveness:
For the times when I am apathetic,
When I chase after things other than You,
And when I am just plain lazy and lukewarm in the way I live.
You deserve better; You deserve my best.
Lord, help me to love You.
Help me to desire You, more than anything.
You alone are true happiness, joy, and life.
I believe that. Please help me to live that.
And give me the wisdom and courage to know when I am not.
I want to have an intimate, passionate relationship with You.
As scary as it is to me, I surrender my life to You,
Believing that where You take me is where I need to go.
Lord, thank you for Your mercy and grace
For how You offer them to me every single day,
Regardless of the ways I messed up the day before,
Never growing weary, but always giving me a new, fresh chance.
Help me to extend that grace to others.
And help me to truly love You, deep from my heart.
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That's a great idea, to write a Psalm. Those last lines in particular are powerful and so necessary - to gain that new perspective, never forgetting Him, but instead, our self.
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