Grace.

So I apologize for the lack of entries on here lately, as we've been having some internet problems at the house. But now, faithful readers, I am back, and probably just as amazingly super cool as ever.

I've been thinking a lot about grace lately.

I had the opportunity on Wednesday to carve out a few hours in my schedule to do my own little personal solitude retreat, and I think it was pretty awesome. I wasn't sure how I would like it before I started, but by the time it was over, I felt so spiritually refreshed and renewed. It was great.

In that time, I got the chance to pray for a while, but I also took some time to read the Bible. I finished all of Galatians and also some of Ephesians. I was struck while reading how both of those books really have a theme throughout them that as a Christ follower, I am saved not by anything I do or have done, but by God's grace. In essence, I am given salvation because God saw fit to give a gift to me. Nowhere is that clearer than in Ephesians 2:1-9, which is a passage that's really been working its way around in my mind and heart lately.

For a long time I was a person who suffered from the misconception of the "works gospel." I was one of those people that was always trying, always working, always striving to do the best and greatest things, not because I wanted to, but because I felt like I had to in order to make God love me. I won't lie; I'm still not always sold that God loves me regardless of what I do, but I know that's true. I know that God doesn't judge me on my latest performance; he judges my heart.

But in my time alone with God, I made a realization about myself. I recognized that lately, in my life, I'm suffering from a lot of pride issues. God takes a very strong anti-pride stance in the Bible, so I guess that's something I should definitely work on. But in essence, for whatever reason, I feel like lately in my life I've been walking around, feeling like I'm always right and feeling like I have all the answers, and as such, feeling like I'm better than a lot of folks (as shameful as that is to say). Ephesians 2:1-9 woke me up to the realization that I am just like everyone else. I am saved by God's gift of grace alone, just like the pastor of the mega church down the road, and just like the bum or the prostitute on the corner. When I act like I'm big and important all the time (if that was a spiritual gift, I would be awesome at that), I refuse to recognize that I need God's grace just as much as the next person.

And if that isn't the biggest lie since ever, I don't know what is.

Thank you, God, for grace. May I realize just how much I really need it.