Today was my tough day. I had a 5 page paper due today as a final for one of my classes. I was definitely psyched when I turned it in and my prof told me he disagreed with my thesis.
Well, there's always next time.
I also had a recital performance today, my most difficult final, and I had to take a guitar proficiency, which is really intimidating because like 5 teachers are all looking at you, waiting to see your every mistake.
And then I took a nap. Oh it was wonderful.
But through the course of my day, I opened up to 1 Samuel. Earlier this week, I was talking with one of our elders at church, and he was sharing about how he had started to read some of the Old Testament in the Message version of the Bible. He expressed how surprised he was at how interesting it was. He's in either 1 or 2 Samuel right now, and so I guess that sort of inspired me to open up to 1 Samuel and go through it myself.
Anyway, the book opens up with the story of Hannah. She was this awesome lady who was married to a man named Elkanah, who loved her dearly. The problem? Hannah had no children while Elkanah's other wife, Peninnah, had several sons and daughters. Peninnah would ferociously taunt Hannah for her barrenness, making Hannah feel just awful. This all goes without saying that in this culture, children were a sign of blessing. Thus, to be childless basically meant that you were not blessed by God.
Hannah felt pretty crappy.
Every year it was the same story. Hannah would make the trip up to the temple with Peninnah and Elkanah to offer sacrifices. Eventually the sorrow became too much for Hannah to bear. She refused to eat. She was deeply hurt.
So Hannah prayed.
And I love what Hannah says about how she prayed:
"I've been praying from the depth of my anguish and resentment," (1 samuel 1:16).
Apparently she was praying so deeply and in so much anguish that the priest Eli thought she was drunk.
The story goes on, with Hannah being blessed by Eli, and eventually she does conceive and has a son. In keeping with a vow she made to the Lord, Hannah gives this child to Eli to be raised in the temple as the Lord's very own. This boy would grow up to be the great judge, Samuel.
But I want to go back to Hannah's prayer for a moment.
Anguish? Resentment?
Not two words we associate with prayer.
Hannah was praying from deep down, where it hurts.
With emotion.
With passion.
She was angry. She was hurt. She resented God. She resented her rival, Peninnah. She resented how everything seemed to be working out for everyone else, while she followed God and never received any such blessing.
I identify with that, but I don't always turn to prayer like Hannah did.
I generally turn away in those times.
I could stand to learn a lot from Hannah.
I need to learn how to pray when it hurts.
I need to learn to pray from the depth of anguish and resentment.
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Regardless of her emotions, her heart was right. Additionally, God placed Eli in her life as an instigator of change. Sometimes he works unexpectedly and when we need it most regardless of our less than stellar attitudes. It's kinda like a father who cares so much for his children he helps the situation in his own special ways to make the child's life easier, even if they're displeased - especially when they're displeased.
ReplyDeleteActually, it's exactly like that.
Also, I had to delete my previous post to correct some spelling mistakes - that will teach me to type comments from my phone!