In Mark 5:25-34, there's this story about a woman who has been hemmoraging blood for twelve years. She's spent everything she had and owned on doctors to try and help her to get better, but nothing worked. In fact, she just got worse, and the Bible tells us that she was greatly suffering. But one day, as Jesus was pressing through the crowds, this woman thought to herself that if she could just touch Jesus' garment, that she would be healed. Sure enough, she manages to get close to Jesus in the crowd, touches the edge of his garment, and is made well.
What I find interesting, though, is Jesus' statement to her: "Daughter, your faith has made you well."
If I put myself in this woman's shoes, there are a lot of feelings that could possibly go through my head:
- This is absolutely going to work!
- Well, I've tried everything else... what the heck?
- Maybe this will be the solution I've been looking for.
- I hope this works.
- I think this will work.
Not all of those statements are ones that I would naturally label as ones of great faith. Yet, I imagine that a degree of all of those had to cross this woman's mind at some point. In fact, I'm pretty sure that the first statement (which is what I normally think of as "faith") isn't what she thought at all. It was most likely a combo of hoping, wishing, and praying that this whole Jesus thing would actually work for her.
As I continue on this journey, I'm discovering that faith isn't always something that's beautifully certain, sure, and confident. In fact, I believe that a lot of faith is simply taking the next step and hoping, praying, and believing that things will work out. Faith is frequently best described by adjectives like "messy." I mean, it has to be. That's why the Bible still lets doubting people like me still be able to wear the title "Christ follower" (see Matthew 28:17, Jude 1:22).
I can think of countless examples in my own life. When I was baptized, I still had questions. I wasn't sure if I could do this whole Jesus thing. But you know what? I took the leap. A few years later, I went through a real season of doubt in my faith, but I kept taking the next steps and came out the other side. Even today, with being a part of our Highland Campus, I still have doubts: Can I really do this? What if money doesn't come together? What if I'm a flop as a worship pastor? What if I can't finish school in a timely fashion? What if our church doesn't really fit into the community? What if I don't fit in the community? What if we don't reach people and this campus just doesn't work out? I've got a lot of questions, but I have faith. Why? Because despite mixed emotions at times, I'm still following God and trusting in His plan for me. I believe God will make all things work together (Romans 8:28).
Belief and doubt are not polar opposites. In fact, they often mix together throughout our lives, just like in Jesus' parable of the wheat and the tares. The important ingredient of faith is simply that we take the leap, regardless of our thoughts or emotions. It's way better (and more Biblical) than to take the leap with mixed emotions than have good feelings but always stay standing on the edge.
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