My Day Today

It rained today. I was very happy about that. There's just something about rain that makes me feel, well, cozy, I suppose.

Today, I suppose I spent my day doing a few things. I went to a staff meeting at church this morning, and then I participated in a speech contest. I didn't advance out of my group, though. That was really disappointing, given that I gave my best speech of the year. Oh well. Class, dinner, laundry, and then some homework time, and now I'm here in my room getting ready to go to bed soon.

I hate days like today where I don't really make a connection with anyone. It's days like today that make me wish I didn't live alone. I guess you have those from time to time though.

I also spent some time today thinking about her. I doubt she spent any thinking about me.

Sorry this sounds so depressing. I promise I'm not super depressed or anything right now.

Finally, on a totally unrelated note, I thought this was cool:

Faith.

So today I've been doing quite a bit of work on my final project for a class that I'm taking on the Psalms.

I wish I could say that the class has been extremely interesting, but it hasn't. My final project is to compose 15 pages worth of sermons on the Psalter. A preacher, I am not, but I guess I'm looking at it as an opportunity to write... or something like that.

But today I have almost finished one of my sermons. It's on the lament psalms... the psalms that cry out to God and ask for him to stand up and take action in the life of the writer. These have always been the psalms that really interested me. Number one, because I think that I can relate to that writing better than any other writing in the Bible. I mean, it doesn't take a whole lot to relate to themes of pain, abandonment, and emotional distress. I think that we've all been there before. Those themes are ones that run their course through each human heart.

But one thing I think I've come to develop a deeper appreciation for while I've been working on this project today is how the Psalms are so intensely personal. They express a faith that isn't very common in churches anymore. Psalm 13 begins with the writer saying, "God, how long will you forget me?" Psalm 22 begins with the writer asking God if he's going to forsake him and leave him to rot forever, or if he'll ever get up and do something.

That's not language you hear in churches anymore.

But I think that is the true language of faith.

Western Christianity has developed this idea that faith is something neat and tidy that fits into a nicely wrapped little box. We don't have problems, and if we do, they end up being glossed over into a new hit worship song by Chris Tomlin or David Crowder. I don't feel that many churches give people the freedom to truly express the anguish that they feel in their soul when bad things happen.

When they hear the word "cancer."

When a child dies.

When he walks out on her.

Even more so, churches don't give freedom to people to express their pain when it comes for no other reason than that they feel like God is distant and far off. That's oftentimes the most difficult pain to deal with, because there's seemingly no reason for it. It's not like there's a concrete physical circumstance that's looming overhead.

And heaven forbid that we not look spiritual by having everything put together.

But I am a firm believer that faith is messy. We don't serve a God of the cleaned up and put together. We serve a God who deals directly with pain and pained individuals. That's what our faith is all about.

When I think of faith, I think of Job. He had everything taken from him: his family, his possessions, and even his friends turned their back on him. He had nothing, and God seemed non-existent. Yet, in the midst of this, Job somehow held onto his faith until easier times came.

When I think of faith, I think of Habakkuk. He was a prophet who didn't understand why those who did evil prospered while those who did what was right always seemed to fall. It just didn't make sense. It still doesn't. As you read the book of Habakkuk, you get this sense of a man who is coming to God in deep pain. Habakkuk questions the justice of God. How could he allow such things to happen?

Heck, even Jesus demonstrated some messy faith on the cross as he questioned why God forsake him, quoting Psalm 22 in Matthew 27.

When I think of faith, I think of all the people who have ever had the courage to question God and weren't ashamed of it. I think of people who were brave enough to talk about how things don't always make sense, how following God doesn't always lead to happy endings, and how sometimes bad things really do happen to good people for no real reason at all.

When I think of faith, I think of those who aren't afraid to dive into the dirt, grime, and muck of what it means to wrestle with God. What it means to wrestle with faith.

In the Old Testament, God's chosen people were called "Israel."

What does "Israel" mean?

"He who wrestles with God."

To be one of God's chosen people means to wrestle with God. To ask the difficult questions. To go beyond Wednesday night worship services and Sunday school answers. To be one of God's chosen people means to embrace that sometimes faith is very messy and that sometimes things don't make sense.

To embrace faith is to understand that we hold the hand of the God who made it all, and to trust that somehow he is working things together in a way that we can't understand.

I want to embrace a messy faith. Will you?

Life... From Where I Stand.

So much is happening.

I'm sitting here, and looking back at the beginning of the semester, thinking of how much things have changed. It's really funny how you think that things will work out one way, and then how God totally changes your plans.

I started this semester working practically full-time at Gap; around 20-25 hours a week, plus my 19 credit hours of classes, so that's kind of crazy. However, by the grace of God, I was given a great job working at a great church in the Dayton area. I was really beginning to wonder if this whole ministry thing was for me, and I think that my job now has really grown me as a worship leader, as a minister, and just as a person. I've been forced outside of my comfort zone in a few different ways, and that has led to great growth for me.

I've also seen some relationships develop as well. I'm still amazed at the way that I get along with my parents. We had a few awkward years where our relationship was sort of transitioning from parents to friends. But now, I think our relationship is better than ever. I'm beginning to feel the freedom to open up to my parents and share with them what's happening and what's on my mind. I'm even just amazed at myself; I remember walking into school last year and feeling so "in between;" I was in a real transition phase with my life and I didn't really know what to do.

I've seen my relationship with both of my friends Ami and C.J. develop. I am very thankful for them each day, and while I do not see them as often anymore, I have been thankful to see my relationship with them develop. It's also been great to see their relationship with each other to develop as a married couple. I've also formed some stronger friendships with other people. My friend Mikaila who goes to Xavier has become a good friend of mine, and I pray that God continues to develop our friendship with each other more in the future. I've also become better friends with people here on campus like Stephen, and I've even befriended a few new students here at CCU like Josh T., Josh C., Sarah Brown, Alec, Eddie, Eric, Crystal, Mackenzie and the like. This all goes without mentioning my newfound friends at Southwest; people like Scott and Sherry, Deb O'Keefe, Boomer and Lara, the Garlands, etc.

As I look ahead to the future, I'm excited about what lies ahead. Here at school, I've taken a position as Campus Worship Minister, overseeing all activities related to worship at chapel, and even being the primary instructor for a few of the worship classes at CCU. I'm receiving a 12 hour scholarship, which is also pretty awesome. At Southwest, the church continues to grow, and I feel absolutely sure in saying that I have nothing to do with it; it is all a God thing. I pray that he continues to grow our church as we continue on in 2009.

I am still single. That's a battle I fight every day. I really admire people like my friend Brent who embrace that. I wish I could be like him, but I'm not. That's just not how I'm wired I guess. However, I do feel that in the past year I have made some significant growth as a person. Relationships and commitments don't scare me anymore, assuming that it's with the right person. For the first time in a long time I don't feel that I would compromise on the things that I want in another person just to be in a relationship. While I'm still waiting and still going through my share of heartache and hardship, I do feel like a healthier person in this aspect this year, and that's something to be excited about I suppose.

Most of all, though, I pray that God makes me a purer, more loving person. I think that I echo the words of David in Psalm 51 when I ask for God to create in me a clean heart.

A Consideration.

Well, perhaps you haven't heard, but our nation elected a new president last night.

And I think that the majority of Christians around the nation are cowering in their little fundamentalist caves, wondering what will happen next. Judging from what people like Pat Robertson and James Dobson tell me, apparently I should be waiting for our economy to collapse, mass murder and chaos to overtake our land, and the reign of the antichrist to be ushered in. I can't tell you how many places I've seen or heard the phrase "This is a horrible time for America" uttered by Christians.

I, for one, am not buying it. In fact, I want to challenge my Christian brothers and sisters to take a different outlook.

Here's the thing. I'm a Christian. I'm not a Republican. I'm not a Democrat, either. I tend to side with Democrats on fiscal issues, and Republicans on more ethical ones. I've taken about 3 different kinds of political tests, and on each one, I score right in the middle.

I'm a moderate. I don't have any political ax to grind. I am not thrilled with Obama. He's inexperienced. He has some very liberal stances on some issues that I do not agree with. That being said, I don't like John McCain, either. I'm not convinced he would have offered the change that our country needs, and I think that he lacks the sense of unifying leadership our government needs right now. And while I like Sarah Palin as a person, I think she was a horribly irresponsible choice for the office of vice president.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that I'm not really "in bed" with any political figure.

Church, let me approach you with this idea. Perhaps Barack Obama is the man that God wants to lead our nation right now.

Have you ever considered that?

I know that he doesn't serve God's party, the Republicans (hope you're catching the sarcasm here), but consider this. God certainly could have made a miracle occur if he really wanted to. I mean, he's defeated armies, struck down people, resurrected the dead... I don't think deciding an election would be too hard for him. Yet, we still have Barack Obama set to lead our nation for the next 4 years, and the fact remains that this is the leader that God has allowed to be in charge of our country for the next term.

Now don't get me wrong. I don't in any way think that Barack Obama is this new Messiah-like figure that some make him out to be. Without sounding too corny, my hope isn't in Obama; my hope is in Jesus.

Ancient Israel was led by many men who were much worse than Barack Obama. Ahab and his wife Jezebel prohibited Israelites from worshipping God throughout their reign. People like Athaliah were horrible and awful leaders who did a lot of negative things. Yet, God still chose to weave history across and through the path of these individuals.

In the early church, Christians were pretty much all part of the Roman Empire. I don't know if you've done much study on the Roman Empire, but it was ruled by some horrible, awful people. Emperor Nero burned Christians, and Domitian led a state-sponsored crusade against Christians. Yet, both Paul (Romans) and Peter (1 Peter) had the courage to ask believers in their letters to submit to the governing authorities. I'm sure that both Paul and Peter had some problems with the policies of their government (Who doesn't?). Yet, the fact remains that they still were loyal to those leaders ruling over them (provided their loyalty to Christ didn't conflict with their loyalty to government), even if these people weren't holier-than-thou Bible-thumping Christians.

So yes, you may hate that Barack Obama is a pro-choice president. But I would come back with the idea that maybe it's time for the church to step up and evangelize the world around us, allowing issues like abortion to take care of themselves.

The fact remains that Barack is the person God has allowed to be the leader of our country at this time. And I think that regardless of your political party, your allegiance to Christ means that you should lovingly support President Obama with all you've got.

Something to consider.

Well, a few things have happened since the last time I posted here.

First things first, I got a new job as Worship Arts Minister at Southwest Church in Springboro, Ohio. I think this is going to be a great opportunity for me, but I won't lie. I'm a little overwhelmed as I take over this ministry and attempt to hit the ground running with everything here. I guess we'll see what happens as time goes on, but I'm psyched. Everyone seems really great, and I'm looking forward to forming some new relationships and getting to know everybody.

And of course, I'm freaking excited to make some music and worship with folks, too.

Secondly, I picked up the new Hillsong CD ("This Is Our God"). I can't say I'm loving it, but I do love the title track. It's gotten me thinking about the themes of sacrifice and service. I'm trying my best to draw inspiration from that as I begin this new ministry and as I attempt to live out the Christian life. The song proclaims Jesus as the servant and king who rescued the world; this is our God.

What an amazing thought.

Our God was King, yet chose to be a servant. He poured out his love for all. Because at his core, our God is one who gives all he has to love, restore, and redeem his children.

This is our God.